Every human being is born with three basic God-given needs for love, security, and significance. When these needs aren’t met it creates a void begging to be filled. Wherever there is a void, it is going to be filled with something even it’s destructive.
Because basic needs, especially for love, weren’t met this causes people to have faulty core beliefs about themselves and therefore often settle for relationships that are emotionally unavailable and imbalanced which creates conflict at all levels leading to emotional pain and frustration.
It’s not your job to fix someone else. It’s not their job to fix or complete you. It’s God’s job.
Only the One who created us has the power to change, fix, complete, and satisfy us with His unfailing love. Don’t set others up for failure to do what only God is able to do. You will live with constant disappointment.
The greatest human need is for love. It’s a legitimate need placed in us by our creator. When this need is not met it can create a void so deep we go through life trying to fill it.
It causes us to crave the approval and acceptance of others and drives us to engage in imbalanced relationships where we attach to unhealthy, emotionally unavailable people who often abuse and mistreat us. We will often compromise our morals, values, and beliefs for fear of losing them.
This creates a vicious cycle of feeling used, devalued, unappreciated, victimized opening the door to bitterness, resentments, unforgiveness, and hopelessness.
The only way to stop the cycle is to get a healthy dose of real love – the love of Jesus. Love seeks the highest good for another. Our Savior demonstrated this perfectly at the cross.
We will never be able to engage in healthy relationships unless we receive the fullness of God’s love. Only His love satisfies. If you are desperately seeking the love and approval of those who continually hurt you it may be a sign that you have not encountered the Love of Jesus in your heart where you see yourself as He sees you – A precious child of the Living God.
When you remove barriers that hinder the ability to live in the fullness of His love for you, it will radically change the people you attract and allow close to your heart. You will desire to engage in relationships that honor God, bless you and seek the highest good for others.
Many people do not understand why their hope fails, yet in reality, their concept of hope is wrong. That’s why it is of utmost importance to know what true hope is. Christian hope is not dependent on another person, place or thing, but rather dependent on the Lord alone.
It’s not wishful thinking, vague longing, or trying to fulfill a dream, but rather is assured, unchangeable, and absolute.
It’s not determined by circumstances, surroundings, events, or abilities, but rather by what is already secure and promised. And it is not dependent on the stars, luck, or chance but has already been determined and settled in the heart and mind of God for our good and because of His unfailing love for us.
No human being or situation can fulfill all your deepest needs. Both people and situations change throughout our lives.
You may have days of feeling satisfied, but the satisfaction is temporary, the glimmer of hope fleeting. Only God can provide you with the love, acceptance, and security that at the end of the day is at the root of what our hearts are longing for. And God stands ready to meet your deepest inner needs. This is where our true source of hope is. This is His promise to us – Jesus the Anchor of our soul firm and steadfast. He will meet our deepest needs.
Often people who are experiencing emotional pain have difficulty expressing their feelings in a healthy way. A common cause is buried feelings due to loss or past hurts.
Ignored or denied feelings won’t go away. They are buried alive, deep inside your soul, where they fester and create an infection that produces poison in your body.
As long as emotional pain continues to be suppressed and undealt with the symptoms will only get worse such as relationship conflict, unhealthy behaviors, depression, addictions, and all sorts of other coping mechanisms that wound the heart and separate us from self, others and God.
That’s why it’s so vitality important to face your feelings.
Bring your heartache and hurts, your anxiety, your fear, and frustration to Jesus. Pour out your heart to Him and receive His comfort. He alone understands the depth of your hurt and pain. His word assures us in Isaiah that He was a man of sorrows acquainted with our grief. Hold on to the assurance found in His Holy Word…
“We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. “
We are told in scripture to let go of the past and reach forward to what͛’s ahead. But what if we can’t? Some of us have been so wounded that we are crippled emotionally, and the past continues to affect every area of our lives.
So, instead of running the Christian race with endurance, we limp and struggle along the way often overcome with self-loathing, guilt and shame for not ͚getting it͛ like other Christians. Some mask their wounds with out of control negative behaviors, others by staying busy “being good͛ so as not to deal with the pain. Neither has ever fully accepted the love and grace of God.
To live the abundant life in Christ we must let go of the past. Only when the wounds of our hearts are deal with that, we can truly put the past behind us and are able to run the race with endurance and assurance of God͛s calling and purpose for our life.
“Let us lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run the race with endurance that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author, and finisher of our faith “
(Hebrews 12:1-2 )
How true is the saying, “All sunshine makes a desert?” God knows that if you never experience the storm of life – if the rain clouds never release their water – you will never see flower gardens grow.
You need to blossom in the areas of sympathy, empathy, and compassion, understanding, perspective, and wisdom.
Our God is the God of second chances. Whatever is in the past can be used for God’s glory.
The storms of sorrow should never be wasted. By God’s design, grief will better your heart and life.
Grief will make your tree of life grow and blossom so that you will be able to offer the shade of comfort and hope to others who are going through the desert journey of grief.
“God comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. “ 2 Corinthians 1:4
There is a direct correlation between relationship conflict and negative emotions. We were designed for love and intimacy. Sadly, many of us were not given healthy forms of love. So we enter relationships with baggage full of skewed love systems and unmet needs expecting the other person to meet our emotional needs.
However, since unhealthy people tend to attract unhealthy individuals into their lives who enter the relationship with their own emotional baggage – unmet needs and skewed forms of love expecting us to love them as they think they should be loved – it’s a great recipe for emotional pain and conflict.
People enter relationships with all kinds of learned negative patterns of behavior to deal with relationship conflict.
The truth is we will never be able to enjoy healthy mutually satisfying relationships until we deal with the issues of our own heart. When we can identify the cause of our emotional pain, we can then process the effects they have on our life, and we can stop blaming others, take ownership of our negative feelings and behaviors and stop allowing others to control our emotions. People are not responsible for the way they make us feel.
Understanding and accepting this enables us to let others off the hook and give them permission to take ownership of their feelings and stop blaming us for how they feel. Jesus heals and restores one heart at a time.