Emotional Healing

True Change

Repeated apologies, promises never to do it again, remorse, tears, pleading for another chance are things repeat abusers say to those they hurt. Whether they are causing harm through emotional or physical abuse, committing adultery, being deceptive, lying, cheating, or are engaged in other destructive behaviors such as addiction, they genuinely feel bad when exposed and confronted and offer appeasement for the moment but nothing changes.

The behavior continues causing pain and destruction at all levels in families and relationships. That’s because God’s word says there is a huge difference between being sorry and repentance, between regretting the wrongs we have committed and committing to change behaviors that bind and hurt others.

Worldly sorrow does not lead to the brokenness and humility needed to get the human heart to a place of genuine Godly sorrow and repentance before a Holy God that produces a desire to change. Worldly sorrow causes the heart to harden and brings forth death in all areas of our lives, while Godly sorrow softens the heart and brings forth life.

If we continue to allow others to appease us with worldly sorrow, then we must understand that things will remain the same. This is called enabling. We can’t change another person’s heart but God can. Release them to God, guard your heart, and pray the Lord will orchestrate whatever needs to take place to produce Godly sorrow in someone who is hurting themselves and others. That’s where true change begins.

Domestic Abuse

“One out of three women is a victim of domestic abuse”, said Criminal Justice Lawyer – Toland Law, LLC. They are everywhere. It could be the neighbor next door, the girl sitting next to you in Bible Study, or a family member close to you. They are very skilled in hiding their bruises and live lives filled with shame without taking a step to fighting domestic violence charges in Fairfax.

Because their spirits have been broken, they are terrified to get help for fear their abusers will follow through on their threat to kill them or their children. When they do seek help from their church, they are told to go back home and submit to their husbands. However, they are not giving the whole counsel of God.

The Bible teaches mutual submission in love and reverence to the Lord not a one sided abusive and demeaning tyrant like authoritarian submission that tears down and destroys hearts and families. That goes against God’s very Word which tells us to “Above all else, put on love which is the bond of perfection.” (Colossians 3:14) It also teaches that “Love does no harm to its neighbor.” (Romans 13:10). Nowhere in Scripture does it teach that wives are to submit to abuse.

However, as awful as the abuse is there is a root driving it, and there are reasons why victims allow the abuse to continue. Both are in need of help. But in order for the cycle of abuse to stop only one person needs to change. Either the abuser will get help, or the abused will stop allowing it. God offers healing to all who are hurting and broken. He sees it all. You are not alone and are not without hope. Seek help and stop the abuse.

“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered. Or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.” (Proverbs 22:24-25)

True wisdom and guidance are found only in the whole counsel of God.

Removing Shame

Shame has no room in the life of a believer. Jesus has covered our guilt and shame. Our past does not define us. The sins that hurt us whether ours or someone else’s perpetrated against are not who we are.

They kept us from becoming who God creates us to be causing us to adopt unhealthy coping mechanisms and put up walls around our hearts to guard against being hurt. They kept everyone else out including God.

Addiction, sexual sin, bodily abuse, eating disorders, trauma, neglect, violence cannot be erased from our minds, but we can be free from their damaging effects on our souls.

God sets us free by helping us walk through and process the pain, removing the lies we have believed about ourselves, and offering and receiving forgiveness. This releases us from the bondage of being a byproduct of our past. Through the Sacrifice of our beloved Savior and the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, we are set free.

We can replant and be rooted in God’s love and grace, but we must let go of the toxic things that keep us from living in freedom, growing and becoming who God created us to be

A Hardened Heart

A deep wound, a broken heart, disappointments, bitterness, and unforgiveness, can cause the heart to become hardened with time. It causes us to put up walls. Our defenses go up. We self-protect, and we don’t let anyone in including God.

Self-protection leaves us running on reserve and is the cause of intimacy issues and conflict in relationships. It seems that it’s easier to be hard than soft and vulnerable because we don’t want to get hurt. But you were not created to live that way. God made you to be tender and responsive. It’s hard to shape stone.

As long as your heart remains hard you will miss out on the abundant life Jesus came to give. So let the living God come into your heart, heal your wounds and tear down your self-protection and defenses.

The amplified version of Ezekiel 11:16 says “And I will give them one heart, a new heart, and I will put a new Spirit within them, and I will take the stony, unnatural hardened heart out and give them a heart of flesh, sensitive and responsive to the touch of their God.”

Give your hurts to the Lord. Let God shape you. When you do that…He will leave His fingerprints all over your heart.

Transforming Power

Are you struggling today? The same power that raised Jesus from the grave is inside us. He is our helper, our teacher, our counselor, our friend. We need to know His power. His resurrection power! His redeeming power! Life breathing power! His healing power! He has the power to change lives and restore hearts.

Knowing the power and authority we have in Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit can break any stronghold, sever anything that holds us captive and in bondage. It can snap the chains of the enemy; lift any barrier hindering our ability to run the race with endurance.

He is the power source that enables us to persevere and overcome any negative experience that has ever happened to us and be healed and set free. Never underestimate the power we have in the Holy Spirit. God’s word declares in 1 John 4:4 that greater is He who is in your than He who is in the world. We are never alone.

The Holy Spirit is always there and will empower us to face, push through and remove anything that harms us, tries to separate us from God and stunt our Christian walk and spiritual growth.

God Heals All

Emotional wounds manifest through various negative behaviors – violent rage, severe depression, phobias, low self-worth, perfectionism, controlling, insecurities, emotional dependencies, addictions, etc. But God can heal all!

He restores what is broken, change your destructive thought patterns, and give you an amazing life filled with hope, joy, and the abundant life Jesus came to give God’s people.

All you have to do is ask. He came to heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds.

Do you want to be made well?

No Longer A Victim

Some who have been victimized by a painful past feel fearful, lost, disconnected, broken, without hope, and need comforting.

There are many self-help groups in modern day society offering support for victims. While helpful they often throw a “victim” label on the wounded, and it becomes their identity. Some even take on a victim mentality always positioning themselves as the victim whether real or imagined.

We did not have a choice in becoming a victim but we have a choice in staying one. The bible says “we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” (Romans 8:37)

No matter what has happened God can heal, restore and set us free from the painful effects of the past. You can rise above having a victim mentality and become a conqueror in Christ. We are not without hope.

Decisions…Decisions…

Decisions, Decisions, we all have to make them. Hopefully as believers we want to seek the will of God in matters of the heart. But how do we do that?

Decisions are choices we make based on our thoughts. If the thought process is wrong the decisions we make will be off. Faulty thinking results in negative choices. We will always live in the consequences of our choices.

Decisions are also based on what we value. If we don’t place worth on ourselves chances are the relationships we engage in will almost always cause us emotional pain and turmoil.

To discern God’s will in any given situation it’s crucial to remember that the will of God never goes against His word. Should I marry this person even if he’s not a believer? Well what does God’s word say about being unequally yoked?

Put on the mind of Christ. Change your thought process. Align your thoughts with His thoughts through His word, in prayer and by the Holy Spirit. This is the foundation for God’s will in your life. It will guard against making painful destructive choices that hurt yourself and others.

“The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.” (Isaiah 58:11)

A Time To Heal

A time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up; A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance.

Children who suffer abuse or trauma whether physical or emotional will often suppress their emotions in order to survive. However, the pain, sorrow, anger, and despair are still there and manifest in different ways in adulthood – either through negative behaviors or seemingly good behaviors. Both mask the reality of the painful wounds they carry inside.

Some who shut down their emotions often can’t feel at all even pleasant things such as joy, tenderness, mercy and even love. Sometimes we make vows never to be hurt again putting walls around our hearts.

There may have been a season for self-protection but now is the season for healing your heart. Give yourself permission to feel. It’s time to let go of the hurts of the past. Run to Jesus – The Balm of Gilead who heals the wounds of God’s children. He is waiting with arms wide open to mend your heart and wipe your tears. Do you want to be made well?

The Roots of Rejection

Nothing wounds a heart like rejection. The dictionary defines rejection as “an act of throwing away or discarding someone or something,” implying a lack of value in the person or thing being discarded Nothing wounds a heart more because it strikes at the core of our worth, value, and identity.

Since every human being has three fundamental needs – to be loved, valued and accepted, rejection can result in wounding in the heart so painful that people cannot deal with it. So they suppress it in their mind, stuff the pain away inside, pretend it’s not there and live in denial of their hurts, but later it surfaces in various negative behaviors causing deeper pain, problems, and conflict much like a layering effect.

Rejection can be rooted in our family of origin, peers, those in authority (teachers, pastors, etc.), resulting from verbal abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, troubles in the home, adoption, divorce, abandonment, infidelity, and peer rejection.

Sadly rejection can breed more rejection if the roots are not dealt with. People with rejection issues often feel victimized and place themselves in situations where they are always the victim, whether real or imagined and it sets a pattern that becomes a way of life, Others turn to exhausting ways to feel accepted – people pleasing, perfectionism, workaholic, etc. Others refuse to deal with it all together and check out through, drugs, alcohol, anger, immorality, and other negative behaviors. Unless the root is dealt with, the truth is accepted and replaced –the by-product or rejection will always be rejection.

Despite the rejection of the past, our God can heal you. He can walk into the darkness of the pain and shed His marvelous light on the path of your healing journey. The one who created you and numbers the hairs on your head will never reject you. He wants to heal those painful roots of rejection so that you can live in His acceptance.

“I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do: I will not forsake them. “

(Isaiah 42:16)