No Boundaries Aren’t Grudges

Friends, don’t let someone else’s undealt with issues begin to make you feel like you have issues. This kind of person wants a reaction and thrives in dysfunction — not necessarily because they are a bad person, because this is what they know. This is how they lived, and if
they have never gone back and allowed someone or God to help them see it wasn’t healthy, they’ll stay in it, and pull the people close to them into it.

Sometimes we have family members that do this and we have gotten healthy, but they have not. And often, they have a hard time with that. Well, in comes the boundary, and you can trust that God will help you stand your ground as you make it in love, and just speak the truth. Be prepared though, because often when that person sees their tactics aren’t working anymore, it can get bad. It can get ugly. But you have to remember, it’s not you, it’s just God bringing to light some of the wounds, hurt, and ugliness in their heart that needs dealt with.

Recognizing the toxic behavior ahead of time will save you years of heartache. As I said, if we are used to toxic behavior in our relationships, we will almost crave it, to feel normal. But all it takes is looking back over your life at the relationships you’ve had, and how your family operated (or didn’t operate at all), and if you know it wasn’t the greatest, or you know there were some issues, bringing them to God and asking Him to show you what needs to be dealt with, so you don’t carry those things or behaviors into any more relationships with you. A Christian counselor is a game changer. Their job is to literally look over your whole life with you, and help you receive healing in every area, for what’s happened to you, what’s been done to you, and what you might have done to others.

But if you are the one dealing with someone toxic, don’t take it. Sometimes the best thing you can do is put a boundary in the sand that will push them directly into the healing arms of Jesus. Even if it hurts or is hard to do, it is the GOOD, right, and loving thing to do. For you, AND them.

Sarah Jean Armstron

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What Does A Biblical Marriage Look Like?

In marriage, we are followers of Christ first then a spouse. In the same way, it’s important to remember that these verses apply to us (first):
🌼 Ephesians 5:1-2 “Imitate God; therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ…”
🌼v.3 “Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you…”
🌼v.6 “Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins…”
🌼 v.10 “Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them”.
🌼 v.21 “and further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ”

Don’t miss that all the verses before v.22 apply to you, your spouse and together in your marriage.

With these verses as a foundation, we see the way a healthy marriage should look like, one that pleases the Lord. A marriage that communicates the love of Christ for His Church and His Church for Him in this dark and fallen world 🙏

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Barriers Preventing Us from Forgiving Others

A huge barrier to forgiving others is the misconception about, forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration. Many people believe that by forgiving, they will continue to live as doormats allowing sinful behavior when nothing has changed. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Forgiveness focuses on the offense. It only involves one person and has nothing to do with what the other person chooses to do. Reconciliation focuses on the relationship. It requires two people engaged in the process.

Forgiveness is the choice to release the offender. Reconciliation is the choice to rejoin the offender. It’s being brought back into a relationship where a wall of separation has been erected. Restoration is the process that makes that possible. Restoration of a relationship takes far more than forgiveness. It requires confession, repentance, and a strong commitment on both sides to work on the relationship and rebuild trust. And it often takes a much longer time.

For example, if a loved is engaged in drugs, alcohol, abuse, or some other harmful behavior, they may ask us to forgive them. Of course, God’s heart is always that we forgive, but if they ask that we go back to the way it was, the answer is a resounding NO! That’s not what we do at all. Love holds people accountable. Love protects. We do not have to allow harmful behavior that hurts us and our families. Thus, there may be extremely toxic, unhealthy people who may need to be removed from our lives.

An example is a relative who sexually molested us as a child. We can forgive them as God has called us to, but having a relationship with them may endanger ourselves and others. So forgiveness does not mean we have to have any kind of relationship with the offender ever again. Forgiveness is a choice, and it’s a willful act of obedience that blesses the heart of our Father in Heaven and sets us free.

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Forgiveness Transforms

The past, along with the present and future, belongs to Abba God. Therefore, let us trust and honor God by surrendering it to Him, all for His ordained and anointed purpose. Let us partner with The Balm of Gilead in a heart healing; obey and trust Him to make all things new; praise Him for all He has done and will continue to do.

Let us give God all the glory for how He made a way for us through Jesus; believe and fully receive His Grace. Let us rejoice that we are reconciled by The Blood of The Lamb; sanctified, transformed and regenerated by The Holy Spirit.

Take heart, for there is no place in the present or our future for anything old. We are a new creation…kin with Christ…citizens of Heaven. If there is anything useful from our brokenness, God can certainly transform it into something beautiful, according to His Will and all for His Marvelous Glory…

Isaiah 43:19
Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.

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Just like with many addictions, it is a way for people to cope. But sexual addiction is so seductive, it captures even the most innocent eyes. Do not lose hope friends. There is a way of escape, there is a way of healing, there is a way to freedom.

If you are using pornography as a way to escape, as a way to cope with life; then you have a Savior who is able to connect with you and who intercedes for you even right now. Instead of pursuing ways that will not fulfill; He can give you living water that always satisfies. He is ready to hear from you, you can surrender your struggles to Him.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin.” Hebrews 4:15 CSB

“For everything in the world — the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride in one’s possessions — is not from the Father, but is from the world.” 1 John 2:16 CSB

“For my people have committed a double evil: They have abandoned me, the fountain of living water, and dug cisterns for themselves — cracked cisterns that cannot hold water.” Jeremiah 2:13 CSB

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The pain of unmet needs, thoughtless words, hurtful actions, to overt abuse can linger for a lifetime manifesting in various negative behaviors such as addiction, unhealthy relationships, and abusive patterns. This toxic system can pollute everything around us.

Behind the violation and the physical pain of the trauma of abuse, a message was sent to the hearts of victims that have left deep open wounds that continue to fester. These messages speak lies to us and skew beliefs about ourselves and others. These lies lead our wounded hearts to adopt faulty reactions and faulty behaviors to hide our intense hurt and build walls that act as barriers to intimacy with God. Yet the Lord lovingly uses our current struggles, failures, and our problem relationships to reveal unresolved emotional pain as God calls each one of us to account. He wants to break down those walls of self-protection and heal our hurting hearts to set us free. Take a moment to meditate on the following scripture and let it resonate deeply in your hearts.

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed.”

Luke 4:18

If you have found yourself the prisoner of a painful past, there is hope for your hurting heart. God’s word says…

“In all things, give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”

1 Thessalonians 5:18

No trial – no abuse is wasted. Your pain doesn’t have to be pointless; it can be full of purpose. Because you know the pain of abuse you can have compassion for others who have been wounded and abused. Thank God for what He is teaching you through the very difficult situation and the pain. Allow the Lord to take your pain and turn it into a precious ministry – a ministry of compassion to comfort and exhort others who are hurting.

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You Can’t Heal A Wound By Saying It’s Not There

It’s easier to stuff pain inside, wear a painted smile and pretend that everything is okay, but masking issues of the heart only perpetuates our hurts.
Eventually, undealt issues spring up and defile all areas of our lives, including relationships. Inwardly our souls are crying out to be healed. At some point, we may grudgingly seek help. However, it is essential to understand that in order to be healed, we must be willing to be healed no matter how painful and difficult the journey.

Jesus asked one question to the lame man at the pool of Bethesda in John 5:2 “Do you want to be made well?” This is the pivotal question for every person seeking healing for emotional wounds. The simple truth is that not everyone wants to be made well. They may start off eager with the best intentions, emotionally feeling that they cannot go on another day, but at the end of the day, do not want to be made well, and those who do not want to get well are not going to get well.

Why would I not want to walk in the freedom from the bondage that Christ set me free from? F-E-A-R! Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of what may be uprooted and exposed, fear of pain, fear that we may have to give up (someone or something); Or we may not be desperate enough yet.

Perhaps we have grown comfortable in our dysfunction and are comfortable in a victim role. We may not have reached a breaking point yet where we face losing someone we love, such as a spouse, or a relationship, maybe even a job, our freedom, and in our minds – we tell ourselves as bad as our current situation is – “it’s not as bad as so and so’s”, or at least we know how to respond, or how to continue to do life and even serve in ministry. However, we are putting on the painted smile while living in a prison in our own mind. But make no mistake…It is never God’s fault. If we do not want to embark on the journey and “be made well” – we won’t get well. Healing is a choice.

If you are in a place where you are desperate enough to get help and want to be made well, then I pray that nothing will hinder you from getting the healing that you need and will encounter the Healer in a deep and intimate way.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Psalm 147:3

DO YOU WANT TO BE MADE WELL?

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Prayer for Emotional Healing & Strength

Oh Lord, I feel that both my heart and my life has been shattered into a thousand pieces and I don’t know what to do or which way to turn. I feel that I have no strength left and that everything in my life has become an utter failure. Have mercy on me I pray, according to Your great goodness and abundant grace.

Lord, I know that Your Word says that You will give strength to the weary and hope to the distressed and I feel both weak and in distress, and ask for Your help and strength.

Help me to wait on You, abide in You and rest in Your love, because I know that You have promised that those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength and rise up with the wings as eagles.

Thank You also, that You have promised to heal the broken-hearted and restore those that are hurting. Heal my shattered heart I pray, and restore to me the joy of my salvation. This I ask in Jesus’ name,

In Jesus name, Amen.

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Guarding Our Hearts Through Boundaries

In the physical world, boundaries are easy to see, lines, fences, signs, hedges, these are all physical boundaries. They give the same message -THIS IS WHERE MY PROPERTY BEGINS. As the owner of the property, I am legally responsible what happens on my property line. Non owners are not responsible. In the spiritual realm boundaries are just as real only harder to see. Yet they serve the same purpose. They protect ownership.

Our bodies are the temple of the living God and His Spirit lives in us. (1 Corinthians 3:16-17) We have been bought at a price…by the precious blood of Jesus . (1 Corinthians 6:20) Therefore, we belong to Jesus first and foremost and our identity is in Him and Him alone. Boundaries merely help guard and protect that relationship and our relationship with self and others.

Boundaries also defend us physically, emotionally and spiritually from intrusive or unwanted dangers. They also make it possible to engage and enjoy a mutually healthy relationships because they protect those relationships by setting the course for mutual respect, consideration and safety.

Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins….leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. If I know where my yard begins and ends, I am free to take responsibility for my life and it opens us options to pursue the person that God created me to be. It also gives me the freedom to allow you to be who God created you to be and take responsibility for your own life. This takes the burden off both you and me.

Healthy boundaries guard yourself from giving more than you should and protect you from others taking more than they should.

Boundaries help bring order to your personal world and the world around you and guard against enmeshment and codependency where you are controlled by others and stripped of your identity in Christ causing great conflict in all areas of your life.

Do you have healthy boundaries? If not ask God to show you how to put boundaries in place that will guard your heart and help you engage in mutually healthy relationships.

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Counseling That Heals & Sets Free

There are many self-help books available offering various theories and approaches for overcoming negative emotions and behaviors. Modern-day psychology is valuable in understanding the soul (mind, emotions, and will). That is the area that gets sick that drives belief systems and negative emotions. The rooted systems in our life can make our souls extremely sick. A psychology approach can diagnose the problem and offer solution.

However, since the solution offered is rooted in humanism and, therefore, man-made, there is no true long-term healing that can occur. At best, it can help change behavior and give you tools for self-discipline or positive thinking. That is not freedom. There is no lasting victory because it does not deal with sin. It does not allow for the blood of Christ to cleanse us and change us. It merely puts a band-aid over symptoms. It may address anxiety, depression, outward manifestations, and symptoms of deeper issues – but often, the first solution offered is medication and never gets to the root. So people are not getting the true healing they are seeking.

As Christians, we know that only God has the power to heal us from the inside out and set us free. That is true victory. He doesn’t just change behaviors; He transforms, renews, restores, redeems, and breaks the chains of bondage. Psalm 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Isaiah also tells us that God is the “Wonderful Counselor.” John 14:6 says, “the Holy Spirit is the Counselor.”

Therefore, true freedom is found only by applying biblical truths to the wounds of our hearts. Jesus is the balm of Gilead. He is the ointment that heals the wounds of God’s hurting children.

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The Balm of Gilead Ministries