The Root of All Hurt

The Root of All HurtThe painful wounds in our hearts can always be traced back to the effects of sin, whether ours or someone else’s. Understanding the root of hurt is the first step to healing.

Most people run from emotional pain and try to medicate through all sorts of unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse, alcohol, anger, etc. While others stuff their pain, pretend it’s not there, pull themselves up by their bootstraps and become perfectionists, workaholics, overachievers, involve themselves in one activity after another, overextend themselves and wear themselves out.

Disguising your pain with either good or bad habits, or addictions creates a vicious cycle of guilt and shame. Whatever the coping mechanism, until the root of the hurt is dealt with the wound will continue to fester.

God wants to heal your broken heart. No matter what you have been  through, God is bigger than anything you have experienced or are experiencing now. No matter where you’ve been, what you have done or what has been done to you … the Master Healer, Jehovah Rapha, can transform your innermost hurts into conduits of His blessings.

The same power that raised Jesus from the dead can heal and restore you. He only asks one thing…”Do you want to be made well?” Healing is a choice.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

What Are Boundaries Exactly?

Boundary LineIn the physical world, boundaries are easy to see….. lines, fences, signs, hedges…..these are all physical boundaries. They give the same message….THIS IS WHERE MY PROPERTY BEGINS. As the owner of the property, I am legally responsible what happens on my property line. Non owners are not responsible. In the spiritual realm boundaries are just as real only harder to see. Yet they serve the same purpose. They protect ownership.

The word of God says that our bodies are the temple of the living God and His Spirit lives in us. (1 Corinthians 3:16-17)  We have been bought at a price…by the precious blood of Jesus . (1 Corinthians 6:20) Therefore, we belong to Jesus first and foremost and our identity is in Him and Him alone. Boundaries merely help guard and protect that relationship and our relationship with self and others.

Boundaries also defend us physically, emotionally and spiritually from intrusive or unwanted dangers. They also make it possible to engage and enjoy a mutually healthy relationships because they protect those relationships  by setting the course for mutual respect, consideration and safety.

Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins….leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. If I know where my yard begins and ends, I am free to take responsibility for my life and it opens us options to pursue the person that God created me to be. It also gives me the freedom to allow you to be who God created you to be and take responsibility for your own life. This takes the burden off both you and me.

When you have healthy boundaries you guard yourself from giving more than you should and protect you from others taking more than they should.

Boundaries help bring order to your personal world and the world around you and guard against enmeshment and codependency where you are controlled by others and stripped of your identity in Christ causing great conflict in all areas of your life.

Gods word tell us to……” Above all else guard your heart for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23)

How about you? Do you have healthy boundaries? If not ask the Lord to show you how to put boundaries in place that will guard your heart and help you engage in mutually healthy relationships that are blessed by God.

 

 

 

Identifying Hidden Anger

 

Many people are completely unaware that they harbor hidden anger – suppressed anger that surfaces occasionally. While this hidden anger is usually rooted in past childhood hurts, what lies beneath is ready to erupt at any moment much like a volcano. For instance when someone does or says something wrong, the one with hidden and suppressed anger often overreacts. Or when someone makes an innocent mistake the magnitude of anger unleashed is out of proportion with the simple mistake.

If you have hidden anger you may find yourself at one extreme or another – hopelessness to extreme hostility and yet be completely unaware why you are experiencing  these feelings and may even be clueless to the  severity of your outbursts of anger towards others and how they are being hurt emotionally in the wake of your anger.

The bible describes this perfectly. “When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.”
(Psalm 73:21–22)

Unresolved anger causes burning deep wounds into your relationship with God and with others. This powerful emotion robs your heart of peace, joy and steals contentment from your spirit.

Signs of Hidden Anger:

• Do you become irritable over little things?
• Do you smile on the outside, while you hurt on the inside?
• Do you find your identity and worth in excessive work?
• Do you deny ever being impatient?
• Do you have to have the last word?
• Do those close to you say that you blame others?
• Do you become easily frustrated?

If you find that you have hidden anger commit to letting go with God’s help.

“You must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.” (Colossians 3:8). These things defile our hearts and keep us from intimacy with ourselves,
God and others.

A willingness to admit you have hidden anger is the first step to freedom. The next is identifying the source. Anger is a secondary emotion. It’s typically started and fueled by one of four sources: hurt, injustice, fear, or frustration. With these roots, anger is a secondary response to one or more of these four sources. Digging into buried feelings from your past can be painful. So, it can seem easier to stay angry than to uncover the cause,  but God wants to set you free. He wants you to get rid of the bad fruit and be a storehouse that houses a plentiful harvest of good fruit. It’s not easy. It requires work and persistence. YOU ARE WORTH IT!

“ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:4)

Leftover Emotions

PicBehaviors that bind that hurt self and others start early in life. Many people, even in the best of homes, are living on “leftovers” – emotions and attitudes left over from the way they were raised.

For instance, those who as children felt they could never measure up to expectations are likely to experience  feelings of inadequacy, rejection, shame and guilt as adults; they may also deal with resentment and hostility.

And grown people who walk away from responsibility or commitments when they don’t get their way are frequently the ones whose parents caved in to their every desire. This is why it’s so hurtful to give in to children’s temper tantrums and demands. They learn the world is their oyster and grow to to be demanding, entitled, selfish, self centered adults.

Those who struggle with low self worth or low self esteem are often a byproduct of lack of childhood acceptance and affirmation. It’s important for children to learn they are are of tremendous value to parents but most importantly their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Their sense of security should come, not from possessions, whether they are “good” or “bad’, but from a personal relationship with Him that says they are valued and loved for who they are no matter what. Otherwise, as adults they may operate out of shame instead of the precious gift of God’s never ending grace.

 

A Hardened Heart

heart hard 1A deep wound, a broken heart, disappointments, bitterness and unforgiveness can cause the heart to become hardened with time. It causes us to put up walls. Our defenses go up. We self protect and we don’t let anyone in including God.

Self protection leaves us running on reserve and is the cause of intimacy issues and conflict in relationships. It seems that it’s easier to be hard than soft and vulnerable, because we don’t want to get hurt. But you were not created to live that way. God made you to be tender and responsive.

It’s hard to shape stone.  As long as your heart remains hard you will miss out on the abundant life Jesus came to give. So let the living God come into your heart, heal your wounds and tear down your self protection and defenses.

The amplified version of Ezekiel 11:16 says “And I will give them one heart, a new heart, and I will put a new Spirit within them and I will take the stony, unnatural hardened heart out and give them a heart of flesh, sensitive and responsive to the touch of their God.”

Give your hurts to the Lord. Let God shape you. When you do that…He will leave His fingerprints all over your heart.

Love & Need What’s The Difference?

Love and needPeople in love engage in healthy mutually satisfying give and take relationships. They want the best for each other and bring out the best in each other. They know that love requires sacrifice from time to time and they know what it means to die to self. They don’t expect the other person to fulfill all their needs because they understand that no human being is even capable of doing that because only God can meet all our needs. Only His love truly satisfies. People in love are emotionally healthy individuals who find their value and worth in Christ alone not looking to others for self-worth and identity. True love brings forth life and grows deeper and stronger with time.

People in need operate out of a brokenness not wholeness. They attach themselves to unhealthy people who they think have the power to meet their desperate need for love, security and significance. But because brokenness attracts brokenness they tend to draw emotionally unavailable people, who are often abusive, struggling with addictions or have an array of other issues, who do more taking than giving and are incapable of meeting even the basic of needs required for a healthy relationship. This causes a lot of pain and heartache and brings forth death and destruction resulting in extremely toxic and unhealthy relationships that only get worse with time. And yes! Even Christians can operate out of need instead of love. The church is full of hurting people involved in unhealthy relationships.

Are you in love or are you in need? If you are in the latter understand that relationships will not work until you start operation out love. Sadly many Christians don’t truly understand what love is because they have never been modeled it, never have experienced it. They don’t know their value and worth as a precious child of God because their basic human need for love was not met growing up. So they take matters into their own hands and like the song says go searching for love in all the wrong places and settle for the counterfeit version that never satisfies.

 
Oswald Chambers wrote – “No love of the natural heart is safe unless the human heart has been satisfied by God first.” The love of God has the power to change us from the inside out. But there is a marked difference between knowing about the love of God and receiving it into our hearts. It is only when we truly encounter and accept the authentic, undefiled Agape love of our Savior that we are then able to “Love the Lord with all our hearts, soul, mind, and strength and love others as ourselves.” (Mark 12:30). This is the key to engaging in healthy mutually satisfying relationships. It’s the biblical formula that has the power to heal and transform and empower us to engage in love based not need based relationships.

El Shaddai The All Sufficient One

You won’t ever come away wanting!

As we run into the arms of our El Shaddai -Our All-Sufficient One and get to know and experience Him in all His sufficiency. Tonight we continued our in-depth study of the Names of God and encountered our El-Shaddai. He is waiting— arms opened wide—for you.

As God spoke to Abraham thousands of years ago, so He speaks the same words to you, “I am God Almighty [El Shaddai]; walk before Me, and be blameless” (Genesis 17: 1).

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El Roi The God Who Sees

Tonight we studied El Roi, the God who sees. The omnipresent God is there, and His eyes are not shut. He isn’t asleep, unaware of all the circumstances. He sees.

“The eyes of the LORD are in every place, watching the evil and the good.” -Proverbs 15:3

It is only when we know the fullness of who our God is that we can truly rest and have confidence in His name.

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El Elyon The God Most High

Tonight we continued our in-depth study on the names of God and learned we can find rest in the sovereignty of “God Most High” El Elyon

“I will cry to God Most High, to God who accomplishes all things for me.”
Psalm 57:2

The truth of God’s sovereignty brings about a peace and rest that surpasses all knowledge. Trust, praise, thanksgiving, and devotion are byproducts of knowing His supreme rule over all creation.

It is only when we know the fullness of who our God is that we can truly rest and have confidence in His name.

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Kim’s Testimony