Out of The Abundance of the Heart

There is a direct correlation between relationship conflict and negative emotions. We were designed for love and intimacy.  Sadly, many of us were not given healthy forms of love. So we enter relationships with baggage full of skewed love systems and unmet needs expecting the other person to meet our emotional needs. However, since unhealthy people tend to attract unhealthy individuals into their lives who enter the relationship with their own emotional baggage – unmet needs and skewed forms of love expecting us to love them as they think they should be loved – it’s  a great recipe for emotional pain and conflict.  People enter relationships with all kinds of learned negative patterns of behavior for dealing with relationship conflict.

The truth is we will never be able to enjoy healthy mutually satisfying relationships until we deal with the issues of our own heart. When we can identify the cause of our emotional pain, we can then process the effects they have on our life, and we can stop blaming others, take ownership of our negative feelings and behaviors and stop allowing others to control our emotions.

People are not responsible for the way they make us feel. Understanding and accepting this enables us to let others off the hook and give them permission to take ownership of their feelings and stop blaming us for how they feel.  Jesus heals and restores one heart at a time.

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Boundaries Without Bitterness

Boundaries are not walls of hostility; they are lines of holiness. In a world that often confuses love with compromise, Scripture calls us to practice holy separation—to live set apart without harboring resentment or bitterness. Boundaries rooted in God’s Word protect our hearts, preserve our witness, and allow us to walk in freedom.

What Holy Separation Is (and Isn’t)

It is not isolation. Jesus Himself ate with sinners, yet He never blurred the line between fellowship and compromise.

It is not bitterness. Boundaries are not fueled by anger or rejection, but by obedience and love.

It is consecration. To be holy means to be “set apart” for God’s purposes, not simply withdrawn from people.

Biblical Foundations for Boundaries

Proverbs 4:23 — “Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” Boundaries are a form of guarding.

Amos 3:3 — “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” Healthy separation acknowledges when agreement is impossible without compromise.

Romans 12:18 — “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” Boundaries help us pursue peace without sacrificing holiness.

Practicing Boundaries Without Bitterness

  1. Anchor in Love — Set boundaries with the motive of protecting love, not punishing others.
  2. Communicate with Grace — Speak truth seasoned with gentleness, avoiding harshness or accusation.
  3. Release Resentment — Forgive quickly, even when separation is necessary. Bitterness poisons the soul, but forgiveness frees it.
  4. Stay Mission-Minded — Boundaries are not about exclusion; they are about staying aligned with God’s mission for your life.
  5. Pray for Those You Step Away From — Intercession keeps your heart tender and prevents bitterness from taking root.

The Fruit of Holy Separation

When boundaries are practiced biblically, they produce:

Peace — A settled spirit that is not tossed by compromise.

Clarity — A renewed focus on God’s calling.

Freedom — Release from unhealthy entanglements.

Witness — A testimony that holiness and love can coexist.

Closing Reflection

Boundaries without bitterness are a mark of spiritual maturity. They remind us that holiness is not about superiority, but about surrender. As we practice holy separation, we do so with hearts that remain open to love, forgiveness, and reconciliation—always reflecting Christ, who was both set apart and deeply compassionate.

May our boundaries be built not on fear or resentment, but on the firm foundation of God’s Word and the gentle strength of His Spirit.

 

 

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I Pray You Heal from Things No One Apologized for

I think one of the hardest parts of healing is acknowledging how bad it hurt in the first place. And that, the pain is still there. So often we are taught that in order to heal from things, we need to just let it be, move on, and that time heals everything, and sometimes, it can and it does. But when there is severe heartbreak, severe pain or trauma in someone’s life, it usually won’t just go away, but will lay dormant, until one day it resurfaces, affecting so many areas of our lives and relationships. We NEED to feel to heal. We NEED to let the pain out of our hearts, with or without an apology, so we can allow forgiveness and the stregnth of God to come in and restore those wounded parts of our hearts.

We were never meant to carry the pain, and many of us have become so numb to it that we don’t even realize how heavy the weight has gotten and that we still are. We were never meant to carry the wounds that someone ELSE’S pain caused when THEY hurt us. We were never meant to carry the guilt, shame, or past of what others have done to us. We have to remember that most often, people’s pain in their own lives is what caused them to act out. THEIR pain, sin, and wounds, is what caused THEM to carry their hurts out, and be thrown on us, and apology or not, we don’t have to live under the weight and hurt of what they did any longer. We get to CHOOSE to take the steps to heal, move on, and allow the love of God to heal us and make us stronger! I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but you might never get the sorry from them you feel your soul needs. You might not ever hear the words you have been praying to hear so desperately, but friend, you can trust that your God will one day deal with them justly. You can trust your God sees YOUR strength to let go and forgive today, and HE will reward YOU greatly, and continue to love you until your heart is healed completely.

You were called by God to live FREE, friend, and I pray you truly believe and receive that today, and you allow your heart to begin to truly heal so you can. Even from the things that they never apologized for. ❤️

@sarah.jean.armstrong

 

 

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Healing from Complex Trauma After Emotional Abuse

People living under emotional control and gaslighting experience trauma not once, but daily.

Each time you were made to question your memory, apologize for their behavior, or minimize your pain, it sent the message that your feelings didn’t matter. Over time, this repeated invalidation breaks down your inner world.

You may notice symptoms like:

Feeling numb, anxious, or constantly on edge

Difficulty trusting your own perceptions

Fear of making decisions or upsetting others

Shame, guilt, or confusion about what really happened

A deep sense of loss for who you used to be

These are not weaknesses. They are the echoes of chronic emotional harm.

The Psychological and Spiritual Toll.

Complex trauma affects the brain and nervous system—keeping you in a cycle of fear and self-doubt. Spiritually, it can make you question even God’s goodness or your worth in His eyes.

 

But the truth is this: the abuse was never your fault. The Lord sees every wound, every tear, and every hidden scar. He is not distant from your pain—He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).

The Path of Healing.

Healing from complex trauma is a process of both renewing your mind and restoring your spirit:

Recognize the truth: What happened to you was wrong. God calls evil what it is (Isaiah 5:20).

Rebuild your safety: Healthy boundaries and safe people are part of God’s design for healing.

Renew your identity: Your worth is not defined by what someone did to you—it’s defined by what Christ did for you.

Restore connection: The Holy Spirit is your Comforter, Counselor, and Healer. Invite Him into the places that still ache.

“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” — John 8:32

Reflection Question:

Where in your heart have you believed lies about your worth or identity?

Ask the Lord to replace those lies with His truth today.

Prayer

Lord Jesus, You are the Balm of Gilead. Heal the wounds that were never seen, the fears that were never spoken, and the hearts that were never believed. Restore truth where lies have lived, peace where chaos reigned, and joy where sorrow took root. Remind us who we are in You—whole, loved, and free. Amen.

If you’re struggling to process emotional pain or past trauma, you don’t have to walk through it alone.

At The Balm of Gilead, our Christ-centered counselors are here to help you uncover the roots of your pain and find healing and freedom in Christ. Link below for more information.

​Christ Centered Counseling – THE BALM OF GILEAD MINISTRIES

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Abuse Isn’t Always Physical

 

When we hear the word “abuse,” most of us picture physical harm. But according to Christian counselor June Hunt, abuse is broader, it’s any pattern of behavior designed to control, demean, or dominate a spouse.

Sadly, this can happen even in Christian homes. Abuse can wear many faces:

Verbal & Emotional – cutting words, constant criticism, manipulation, silent treatment, threats.

Financial – controlling all money, hiding resources, denying access to necessities.

Spiritual – misusing Scripture or spiritual authority to control, shame, or silence.

Sexual – coercion, disrespecting boundaries, demanding intimacy without care or consent.

Physical – hitting, shoving, throwing things, using intimidation or force.

Abuse is not love. True, Christlike love “protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13). Abuse seeks to tear down and control – love builds up and protects.

Friend, if this describes your marriage, please hear this: you are not invisible to God. He sees your pain. He calls abuse what it is – wrong. He is a refuge for the oppressed (Psalm 9:9) and will make a way of escape.

You do not have to stay silent. Healing and hope are possible.

“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” – Psalm 9:9

We are here to walk with you through your healing journey.

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When Love Hurts: Understanding Trauma Bonds

“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” – Psalm 9:9

Some relationships leave us confused, exhausted, and emotionally drained. Yet despite the pain, we struggle to walk away. Something invisible but powerful keeps pulling us back—even when we know it’s harmful.
This invisible chain has a name: trauma bonding.
What Is a Trauma Bond?
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A trauma bond forms in relationships where abuse and affection are intertwined, often in a repeating cycle. It happens when someone hurts you, then showers you with kindness, apologies, or attention—just enough to make you question what’s really happening.
You begin to think:

  • “Maybe it’s my fault.”
  • “They’re not always like this.”
  • “I just need to be more patient or understanding.”

The truth is, these highs and lows create confusion. The brain interprets this emotional rollercoaster as connection. Instead of safety and security, your nervous system becomes addicted to the chaos. The love you long for becomes entangled with fear, guilt, and hope for change.
Signs You Might Be Trauma-BondedYou may be in a trauma bond if:

  • You feel loyal to someone who repeatedly hurts you.
  • You justify or minimize their harmful behavior.
  • You isolate from loved ones to protect the relationship.
  • You constantly hope things will go back to how they were in the beginning.
  • You feel stuck, dependent, or powerless to leave.

This bond is not rooted in true love—it’s rooted in survival, fear, and unmet emotional needs.
The Cycle of AbuseTrauma bonds often develop in cycles:

  1. Tension builds – Walking on eggshells, fearing a blow-up.
  2. Abuse occurs – Verbal, emotional, physical, or spiritual harm.
  3. Reconciliation – Apologies, affection, “I’ll never do it again.”
  4. Honeymoon phase – Things feel better… until the cycle begins again.

This cycle can feel like love—but it’s not. Real love doesn’t come with emotional whiplash.
Why It’s So Hard to LeavePeople often ask, “Why doesn’t she just leave?” But the answer isn’t simple. Trauma bonds create deep emotional confusion and even chemical attachment in the brain—especially when mixed with past childhood wounds or abandonment trauma.
You may feel:

  • Afraid of being alone
  • Unworthy of healthy love
  • Responsible for the other person’s behavior
  • Ashamed or embarrassed to reach out for help

But friend, God never designed love to hurt like this. His heart is for you to walk in truth, safety, and freedom—not bondage.

A Biblical Lens on Trauma BondsTrauma bonding counterfeits what God designed. It mimics intimacy but lacks the fruit of the Spirit: gentleness, peace, self-control, kindness.

The Bible says:
“Love does no harm to a neighbor.” – Romans 13:10

“For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest.” – Luke 8:17

“Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” – 2 Corinthians 3:17

God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33). If a relationship is full of fear, anxiety, and manipulation, it’s not love—it’s bondage. And Jesus came to set the captives free (Luke 4:18).

Healing Begins With TruthThe first step to healing from a trauma bond is to name it. The enemy thrives in secrecy, but freedom begins when we walk in the light.

If this blog resonates with you, you’re not alone. You are not crazy, overly sensitive, or weak. You’re likely trauma-bonded. And there is hope for healing. You don’t have to stay stuck in toxic cycles. God has better for you.

A Prayer for the Brokenhearted “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3

Lord, I lift up every woman and man reading this who feels trapped in a painful relationship. I pray you would open their eyes to see truth and give them strength to walk toward healing. Break the chains of fear, shame, and confusion. Speak love and courage over their hearts. Show them they are deeply worthy of real, Christ-centered love. Amen.

🕊️ Need help breaking free?
We offer trauma-informed, Christ-centered counseling through The Balm of Gilead Ministries. You don’t have to navigate this alone. Reach out. We’re here to walk with you.

📩 Visit: www.thebalmofgilead.co
📱 Follow us on Instagram: @thebalmofgilead
📖 More blog posts: [Rooted Hope Blog]

 

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Heal So You Don’t Bleed on Those Who Didn’t Cut You

Sometimes we can feel like we’re being strong and doing the best thing we can do by ignoring some of the hurts we’ve been blown. That, if we just get over it and never give that person or what they did a second glance or thought, it will be done with, and we’ll just, move on. But the reality is, things have wounded us don’t just go away, but end up sitting there, deep down in our hearts, and eventually end up seeping into the relationships we have now, cutting the people closest to us in areas of THEIR heart, all because we didn’t allow God to heal the wounds we took in our own.

There’s a reason why you snap at your significant other sometimes, when they didn’t do anything to warrant it.
There’s a reason you might have trust issues with those closest to you, when they’ve given you absolutely no reason to have them.

There’s a reason why sometimes you feel so down, when you have so many reasons around you to be up.

There’s a reason why you don’t want to be intimate with your husband, when he is everything you hoped for, and the man you dearly prayed for.

There’s a reason for it all, friend. And it starts with you, going back, and addressing whats been done and what you’ve gone through, so you can give it to God, and then allow the healing hand of Jesus to come in and heal and transform you.

Because God didn’t allow all that’s been done to hurt you and the relationships you are in, but to grow you, and draw you that much closer to Him, so you can shine even brighter, and reflect even more of Him. So don’t let your pain be a tool for the enemy. Let God use it to bring healing and Him, that much more glory.
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Find what’s been done, friend. Address it. And then heal from it, so your relationships won’t keep suffering because of it. 💕🙏🏼🙌🏼
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Sarah Jean Armstrong

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Healing Our Identity In Christ

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So many of us spend years searching for identity in people, places, and things.

We look to relationships, achievements, approval, or possessions to tell us who we are. And yet… those things never fully satisfy. They shift, fail, and leave us empty.

When our identity is tied to people, we feel lost when they disappoint or leave.

When it’s tied to places, we feel unsettled when life changes.

When it’s tied to things, we are left chasing the next achievement, purchase, or milestone—never at rest.

But true healing begins when we find our identity in Christ alone.
• In Him, we are chosen (1 Peter 2:9).
• In Him, we are forgiven and redeemed (Ephesians 1:7).
• In Him, we are complete (Colossians 2:10).
• In Him, we are deeply loved (Romans 8:38-39).

Healing comes when we allow God to peel back the false layers we’ve worn for so long, and let His Word define us.
Instead of striving for worth, we can rest in the truth:

I am who HE says I am.

Friend, you don’t have to live chained to other people’s opinions, past mistakes, or worldly measures of success. Jesus calls you into freedom, wholeness, and unshakable identity in Him.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with loving devotion”.
Jeremiah 31:3

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God Made Boundaries

God’s boundaries are a gift of love. From the very beginning, He set boundaries that separate light from dark, land from sea, good from evil, holiness from unholiness. Boundaries show ownership and worth, and in our lives, they protect what we value.

Scripture reminds us that we are the temple of the living God. That means you are precious and of tremendous worth—you belong to Jesus.

Yet many of God’s children don’t see their true value, and in turn, allow others to hurt or mistreat them. Unhealthy boundaries lead to unhealthy relationships, and broken boundaries lead to broken hearts.

But here’s the good news: when we allow the Lord to heal our hurts, He opens our eyes to see our worth in Him. We no longer feel the need to give in to negative patterns that rob us of peace. Instead, He teaches us how to set healthy, God-honoring boundaries that guard our hearts, protect our relationships, and keep bitterness and resentment from taking root.

You are valuable. You are chosen. You are loved. And with Him, you can walk in freedom and establish boundaries that reflect His heart for you. ❤️

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Forgive Then Even When They’re Not Sorry

You’re not weak for choosing to move on. You’re not weak for choosing to let this be something you no longer dwell on. And just like Jesus died on the cross to forgive us of all we have done and will ever do, before WE were ever sorry, He is asking us to do the same. Even if they are not sorry.

It’s not easy to let things go. It takes strength in Jesus to move on. It takes wanting God’s ways over our own. And most often times it takes asking God for the all help you need to do it, and asking Him to make His powerful presence known. But the more you release and forgive what others do to you, regardless if they deserve it or not, the more you can trust Jesus is working powerfully IN you, regardless if you can feel Him or not. And much sooner than later, you’ll be able to love more, forgive more, and help others more, regardless if they ever asked for it or not.
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I talk about it a lot because forgiveness is so so powerful, friends. It changes us, and is a constant reminder of what Jesus did FOR us on the cross. When you need help forgiving, look at Jesus. Look at what HE did for US. Look up, and look at the cross.❤️

@sarah.jean.armstrong

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