Emotional Healing

Grieving To Heal

Many wounded believers are bound and shackled in their souls, carrying invisible scars from a painful childhood or past. They have mastered the art of medicating through various means so as not to face the awful reality of the roots of their hurt and the excruciating emotional pain that it brings. What they don’t realize is that they must connect with the emotion of the event so they can grieve and heal.

When we are unable to connect emotionally, we are in denial – minimizing, protecting to avoid the pain. This is what most of us have been doing all of our lives – running away thereby bypassing the grieving process altogether unable to move forward. However, it is the grieving process that gives Jesus access to step inside our pain – to love us, comfort us, wipe away our tears, as He lovingly begins to replace the lies, the messages that have polluted our hearts and minds which have robbed us from seeing ourselves through our right identity as precious children of the living God.

To grieve means to mourn a loss, sorrow, express feelings of grief, sadness or regret. It’s a cleansing process that heals the soul and allows us to come to terms with the wreckage of our past. As we sorrow and weep over the losses, the walls of self-protection begin to come down and the burdens we have carried are removed and given over to the Lord. Then God’s word begins to come alive in our hearts in a real and tangible way. Our faith is renewed and hope is restored as we start to take God at His word as He heals and restores our hearts, while we hold fast to His promises.

““The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, Because the Lord has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound; To console those who mourn in Zion, To give beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for heaviness. That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” (Isaiah 61:1-3

Sowing Seeds of Hope – Life Beyond Abuse

The pain of unmet needs, thoughtless words, hurtful actions, to overt abuse can linger for a lifetime manifesting in various negative, behaviors such as addiction, unhealthy relationship, and abusive patterns. These low hanging toxic fruit from our tree of life pollute everything around us stunting emotional growth.

Behind the violation and the physical pain of the trauma of abuse, there is a message that was sent to the hearts of victims that have left deep open wounds which continue to fester. These messages speak lies to us and skew beliefs about ourselves and others. These lies lead our wounded hearts to adopt faulty reactions and faulty behaviors to hide our intense hurt and build walls that act as barriers to intimacy with God. Yet the Lord lovingly uses our current struggles, failures, and our problem relationships to reveal unresolved emotional pain as God calls each one of us to account. His desire is to break down those walls of self-protection and heal our hurting hearts in order to set us free. Take a moment to meditate on the following scripture and let it resonate deeply in your hearts.

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed.”
Luke 4:18

If you have found yourself the prisoner of a painful past, there is hope for your hurting heart. God’s word says…

“In all things give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”
1 Thessalonians 5:18

No trial – no abuse is wasted. Your pain doesn’t have to be pointless; it can be full of purpose. Because you know the pain of abuse you have the ability to have compassion for others who have been wounded and abused. Thank God for what He is teaching you through the very difficult situation and the pain. Allow the Lord to take your pain and turn it into a precious ministry – a ministry of compassion to comfort and exhort others who are hurting.

Insecurity & Relationships

Love is the answer to all our insecurity and relational issues. When we accept God’s love, we can recognize our tremendous value and worth in Him and in turn recognize others’ value. But because of our past wounds and experiences, we are often unable to accept God’s love, and it leaves us struggling with insecurities. Insecurity is a big culprit in how we get along with others.

When we are insecure, we easily become threatened by others, and find it hard to honestly esteem others with the value and significance they deserve as God’s beloved children. Women especially suffer in record numbers with insecurities and low self-esteem. Even in the church, women silently suffer from feelings of being less than.

When you begin to grasp God’s great love for you, and that reality goes from your head to your heart, you will become convinced that you should honor others with that same amazing love.

If you are struggling with insecure thoughts and feelings of worthless, spend time soaking in God’s love for you. Scripture tells us that we love God because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). Despite the lies the enemy has made you believe about your value and worth that is hindering your ability to love and be loved — when you go to the source of love, He will remove every barrier hindering your ability to receive His love. Then you will be able to fulfill our Christian calling to “Love God with all your soul, heart and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself. “(Mathew 22:37) We cannot give what we don’t have.

As God washes you with His word, He will fill your with His thoughts and truths, and equip you for loving others because you will understand the very nature and depth of His love.

Healing From Child Sexual Abuse

Every six minutes a child is sexually abused in homes, schools, cars, hotels, sport fields, locker rooms and yes, even churches and Christian homes. No child is immune. 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before the age of 18 and only 1 in 10 ever report it. Abuse ranges from inappropriate sexual talk to being exposed early to sexual images, to actual physical violation, and produces extreme emotional, physiological and spiritual damage.

Over 90% of child sexual abuse is committed by someone the child already knows, loves and trust – parents, step-parents, guardians, friends, babysitters, teachers, coaches, pastors, clergy, etc. Child sexual abuse is seldom a one-time occurrence and lasts an average 1-4 years.

Nothing cuts at the heart of a child like the violation of sexual abuse because it robs a child of their innocence, defiles their purity and leaves them feeling dirty and traumatized. The effects will last a lifetime unless healing is sought. Victims may experience fear of relationships, anxiety, hatred and distrust for the opposite sex, and an overwhelming sense of shame and guilt, loss of self-worth, difficulty with sex in marriage, a tendency to promiscuity, and an inability to relate to God. Often, victims of sexual abuse will feel powerless and out of control and may become sexual abusers themselves to gain power and control. People who hurt others were often scared little children who were also abused. It’s heartbreaking.

Despite the pain of past sexual abuse, In Christ, there is healing from the damage it leaves behind. You don’t need to carry the burden alone. You no longer have to carry the secret. God can bring cleansing to defilement that brought damage to your soul and crippled your ability to love and feel loved and know your value and worth in Jesus Christ. God can heal all wounds and give you a life of purpose and identity beyond the pain.

“Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. He who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for rejoicing, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.”
Psalm 126:5-6

The Roots of Our Pain

We are all rooted in something. We are like a tree that has been planted and in order to thrive and produce healthy fruit; we must start life out with healthy seeds planted in healthy soil. We need to be watered daily and receive plenty of sunshine. This produces a healthy strong root system that allows for health and growth. Sadly many of us have deep unhealthy roots that are stunting our growth and we are barren, barely hanging on, unable to live the abundant life that Jesus spoke of in John 10:10.

Much like a tree that has been planted by a stream, if you are dependent on that stream to be the water source that nourishes you —what happens if say 15 miles upstream there is a dead animal that is decaying and polluting the water? You may not be able to see the poison in the water but it is going to head downstream and you are going to receive it and take it in. It does not matter if it is a huge dead animal or a drop of poison, no matter how big or small, you are going to get contaminated and affected by it.

It works the same in our root system. The nourishment we receive will drastically affect our growth. Whether pure healthy streams of water – love, grace, security, acceptance, significance, or polluted, toxic water—shame, fear, guilt, neglect, abuse, unmet needs, will dramatically affect who we are at a core level and becomes our belief system. If we are nourished as intended by streams of living water – we are going to believe that we are precious, valued, and loved children of the Living God. If our water source is polluted then by default we will believe lies about ourselves – unworthy, unlovable, defective, unacceptable, etc. We will also believe lies about God…He does not care, He is not there, He doesn’t exist, He doesn’t love me, He’s mad at me, and so on and so on it goes.

What we believe then (our root system) determines the kind of branches we are going to grow. These branches represent our decisions (how we think) and our emotions (how we feel). If we have faulty toxic belief systems, it will result in negative thinking, negative emotions, and negative decisions. These can manifest as shame, fear, anger, guilt, rejection, depression, doubt, hopelessness, etc. These branches then bear fruit which represents our actions, attitudes, and behaviors. Negative emotions manifest in negative behaviors – addictions, eating disorders, codependency, rage, critical spirit, control, abuse, perfectionism, etc. What we believe, affects how we think, feel, and behave.

So if we have a contaminated root system it is going to skew what we value, our emotions, and our decisions, which will ultimately affect the end result, which is our fruit. We are either going to produce living healthy fruit that nourishes and brings forth life, or we are going to produce unhealthy toxic fruit that brings forth death.

We do not have to live bound by unhealthy rooted systems that wreak havoc on our lives and leave deep wounds in our hearts caused by sin, (our own or those imposed by others) that strangle the abundant life our beloved Savior came to give His believers. Our God is bigger and more powerful than anything that has happened to us. He can heal us. God’s word says…. “He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” (John 15:2). He wants to prune us and pour healing into our root system so that we will be healed.

When Rejection Is Deserved

There are different causes for rejection. Some are beyond our control – abandonment, adoption, infidelity, divorce, favoritism, indifference just to name a few. However, we can experience rejection when we do things outside of God’s word that grieves His heart causing others to back away from us by setting a healthy distance between our wrong behaviors and actions that cause strife, division and defilement in our homes, relationships, work place and even our place of worship and our ministries.

An example would be adultery. This kind of relationship is strictly forbidden by God and ending the relationship is not only the right thing to do but it is what God requires. Refusing to end the relationship will not only cause separation from God but others as well. People desiring to walk righteously with Jesus will never condone sin. They will love you enough to speak truth to you. Perhaps you are engaging in sex outside the holy bounds of marriage, or engaging in “everything but” behavior convincing yourself it’s not sin – God sees it differently. His is a Holy righteous God and cannot condone sin because it separates us from Him and leaves us unprotected and under the grip of Satan, who comes to kill, steal and destroy. You may have even lost friends because of your bad choices and are feeling alone and rejected.

God sees your hurt and feels compassion for you, even if your feelings of rejection and painful circumstance are a result of wrong choices. Learning from your mistakes and allowing God to change your direction and your life is always possible. Our Savior is in the business of rescuing us from the clutches of sin and destruction and can turn our lives around. But we need to acknowledge our sinful behavior that led us to feeling rejected.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

Many people have a history of turning to the sin of sexual immorality because they have a ravenous need to be loved and accepted. If this is you, please know that you will continue down a spiral of sin, shame and rejection until you deal with the root causing you to mistake sex for love. Jesus is waiting. He is not only the Balm of Gilead, the ointment that can heal the wounds of your heart, but the only One who can fill it completely with the only love that truly satisfies the craving of the human heart.

“For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, And the hungry soul He has filled with what is good.”
Psalm 107:9

Requirement for Healing

Jesus asked one question to the lame man at the pool of Bethesda in John 5:2 “Do you want to be made well?” This is the pivotal question for every person seeking healing for emotional wounds. The simple truth is that not everyone wants to be made well. They may start off eager with the best intentions, feeling emotionally that they cannot go on another day, but at the end of the day, do not want to be made well, and those who do not want to get well are not going to get well.

Why would I not want to walk in the freedom from the bondage that Christ set me free from? F-E-A-R! Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of what may be uprooted and exposed, fear of pain, fear that we may have to give up (someone or something); Or we may not be desperate enough yet.

Perhaps we have grown comfortable in our dysfunction and are comfortable in a victim role. We may not have reached a breaking point yet where we face losing someone we love, such as a spouse, or a relationship, maybe even a job, our freedom, and in our minds – we tell ourselves as bad as our current situation is – “it’s not as bad as so and so’s”, or at least we know how to respond, or how to continue to do life and even serve in ministry. However, we are putting on the painted smile while living in a prison in our own mind. But make no mistake…It is never God’s fault. If we do not want to embark on the journey and “be made well” – we won’t get well. Healing is a choice.

If you are in a place where you are desperate enough to get help and want to be made well then I pray that nothing will hinder you from getting the healing that you need and will encounter the Healer in a deep and intimate way.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Psalm 147:3