The Prison of Denial

tearsThe dictionary defines denial as an unconscious defense mechanism characterized by refusal to acknowledge painful realities, thoughts, or feelings. In other words, we run to denial, so we don’t have to feel the pain.  People will often check out or run around trying to fill the void in their lives and run away from the painful truth of their past through negative behaviors and coping mechanisms.

It is heartbreaking to see the lengths people will go to cover their pain. But God says in Jeremiah 6:14 (TLB), “You can’t heal a wound by saying it’s not there!” We have fooled ourselves into thinking that denial protects us from our pain. In truth, denial deepens our suffering, because it causes the wounds to grow, fester, get infected and spread. It prolongs our pain and allows shame to take root.

When we don’t deal with the roots of our pain, the coping mechanisms continue to pile on layer upon layer, and our problems get worse not better. There is a saying — we are only as sick as our secrets. Truth like surgery may hurt for a while, but it heals. God promises us in Jeremiah 30:17 that He will give us back our health and heal our wounds.

Living in denial allows hurting people to run away from their pain giving them a false sense of security, but they are in bondage because their past continues to affect every area of their lives.

“Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.” (Psalm 51:4)

Everywhere we find the word truth in scripture it points to freedom, salvation, and life. It points to Jesus, the Word, the Truth, and the Life. That’s why God desires us to know truth in our inward being. He knows that it’s the truth that sets us free. He further knows the enemy who is the father of lies desires for us to stay in denial because we can’t heal unless things are brought into the light.

Yet we are not alone. Jesus promised the Holy Spirit would lead us into all truth even the hurtful things that are hidden that need to be exposed so that we can heal and be set free.  Are you ready?


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Are You Controlled by Fear of Rejection?

photoAre you controlled by the fear of rejection from others? It’s been said that if we live for the approval of others, we will die from their rejection. People are flawed and carry skewed ways of looking at life and engaging in relationships from the way they were raised.

Often in our brokenness, we go to these same people for approval and our value and worth is at the mercy of what they think about us and they determine how we should think, feel and behave even if they are unhealthy.  Not wanting to lose their love and approval we often compromise our morals, beliefs and often allow others to hurt and mistreat us.

Finding our value and worth in anyone or anything other than Jesus is not only fruitless but emotionally damaging.

Quit putting your trust in man for love and acceptance. Trust in The Lord. You were made in the image of the living God. He loves you with His steadfast love and established your worth in Him.

If you are having trouble grasping this truth, then there is something hindering you from experiencing the fullness of Christ. Go to Jesus in prayer and ask Him to remove the barriers preventing you from living the abundant life. 

Jesus is faithful to pull out the roots that He did not plant and replant seeds watered and nourished by His uncondioanl love and grace that will cause the rejected to feel accepted firmly rooted and planted in His unfailing love.

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A Crushed Spirit

StonesThink of a precious child. Maybe it’s your grandchild, a friend’s little boy, the little girl you teach at Sunday school who God leads you to lavish extra love on.  Now picture someone screaming  “You’ll never amount to anything!” “I wish you had never been born!” “You’re worthless!”  into their innocent little heart. It’s unimaginable that people could hurt a child in such a way. Unfortunately, it happens every day in homes across America. And the wounds in the heart of that little child can last a lifetime. Maybe that child was you long ago.

Often because all the child knows is abuse they will be drawn to people in adulthood who will abuse them much in the same way where control is at the forefront of the abuse.  Angry threats like “If you leave me, I’ll kill you!” Or, “You and the kids won’t get a dime from me.” Both are examples of verbal and emotional abuse and are controlling tactics in abusive relationships

Abuse can also happen without a spoken word – it can be degrading looks, threatening stares, aggressive body language or other threatening behaviors. These actions are meant to inflict fear with great success leaving the person who is on the receiving end with emotional pain that stunts emotional growth.

In some circles even Christian ones people don’t want to talk about emotions and when they are discussed the importance of emotional health and wholeness is minimized. Yet, we know that with deeply wounded people negative emotions are at the center of thinking, feeling actions, and poor choices.

Emotional abuse attacks at the core of a person’s value, crushing their confidence, and chips away at their self-worth, breaking their spirit in the process. God’s word says “A cheerful heart is a good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries us the bones. “(Proverbs 17:22)

Stop the cycle. Seek help. God takes broken things and makes them whole. Run to the Balm of Gilead. Jesus is the balm who can heal the wounds of God’s children.

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