Month: October 2025

Abuse Isn’t Always Physical

 

When we hear the word “abuse,” most of us picture physical harm. But according to Christian counselor June Hunt, abuse is broader, it’s any pattern of behavior designed to control, demean, or dominate a spouse.

Sadly, this can happen even in Christian homes. Abuse can wear many faces:

Verbal & Emotional – cutting words, constant criticism, manipulation, silent treatment, threats.

Financial – controlling all money, hiding resources, denying access to necessities.

Spiritual – misusing Scripture or spiritual authority to control, shame, or silence.

Sexual – coercion, disrespecting boundaries, demanding intimacy without care or consent.

Physical – hitting, shoving, throwing things, using intimidation or force.

Abuse is not love. True, Christlike love “protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13). Abuse seeks to tear down and control – love builds up and protects.

Friend, if this describes your marriage, please hear this: you are not invisible to God. He sees your pain. He calls abuse what it is – wrong. He is a refuge for the oppressed (Psalm 9:9) and will make a way of escape.

You do not have to stay silent. Healing and hope are possible.

“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” – Psalm 9:9

We are here to walk with you through your healing journey.

When Love Hurts: Understanding Trauma Bonds

“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” – Psalm 9:9

Some relationships leave us confused, exhausted, and emotionally drained. Yet despite the pain, we struggle to walk away. Something invisible but powerful keeps pulling us back—even when we know it’s harmful.
This invisible chain has a name: trauma bonding.
What Is a Trauma Bond?
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A trauma bond forms in relationships where abuse and affection are intertwined, often in a repeating cycle. It happens when someone hurts you, then showers you with kindness, apologies, or attention—just enough to make you question what’s really happening.
You begin to think:

  • “Maybe it’s my fault.”
  • “They’re not always like this.”
  • “I just need to be more patient or understanding.”

The truth is, these highs and lows create confusion. The brain interprets this emotional rollercoaster as connection. Instead of safety and security, your nervous system becomes addicted to the chaos. The love you long for becomes entangled with fear, guilt, and hope for change.
Signs You Might Be Trauma-BondedYou may be in a trauma bond if:

  • You feel loyal to someone who repeatedly hurts you.
  • You justify or minimize their harmful behavior.
  • You isolate from loved ones to protect the relationship.
  • You constantly hope things will go back to how they were in the beginning.
  • You feel stuck, dependent, or powerless to leave.

This bond is not rooted in true love—it’s rooted in survival, fear, and unmet emotional needs.
The Cycle of AbuseTrauma bonds often develop in cycles:

  1. Tension builds – Walking on eggshells, fearing a blow-up.
  2. Abuse occurs – Verbal, emotional, physical, or spiritual harm.
  3. Reconciliation – Apologies, affection, “I’ll never do it again.”
  4. Honeymoon phase – Things feel better… until the cycle begins again.

This cycle can feel like love—but it’s not. Real love doesn’t come with emotional whiplash.
Why It’s So Hard to LeavePeople often ask, “Why doesn’t she just leave?” But the answer isn’t simple. Trauma bonds create deep emotional confusion and even chemical attachment in the brain—especially when mixed with past childhood wounds or abandonment trauma.
You may feel:

  • Afraid of being alone
  • Unworthy of healthy love
  • Responsible for the other person’s behavior
  • Ashamed or embarrassed to reach out for help

But friend, God never designed love to hurt like this. His heart is for you to walk in truth, safety, and freedom—not bondage.

A Biblical Lens on Trauma BondsTrauma bonding counterfeits what God designed. It mimics intimacy but lacks the fruit of the Spirit: gentleness, peace, self-control, kindness.

The Bible says:
“Love does no harm to a neighbor.” – Romans 13:10

“For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest.” – Luke 8:17

“Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” – 2 Corinthians 3:17

God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33). If a relationship is full of fear, anxiety, and manipulation, it’s not love—it’s bondage. And Jesus came to set the captives free (Luke 4:18).

Healing Begins With TruthThe first step to healing from a trauma bond is to name it. The enemy thrives in secrecy, but freedom begins when we walk in the light.

If this blog resonates with you, you’re not alone. You are not crazy, overly sensitive, or weak. You’re likely trauma-bonded. And there is hope for healing. You don’t have to stay stuck in toxic cycles. God has better for you.

A Prayer for the Brokenhearted “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3

Lord, I lift up every woman and man reading this who feels trapped in a painful relationship. I pray you would open their eyes to see truth and give them strength to walk toward healing. Break the chains of fear, shame, and confusion. Speak love and courage over their hearts. Show them they are deeply worthy of real, Christ-centered love. Amen.

🕊️ Need help breaking free?
We offer trauma-informed, Christ-centered counseling through The Balm of Gilead Ministries. You don’t have to navigate this alone. Reach out. We’re here to walk with you.

📩 Visit: www.thebalmofgilead.co
📱 Follow us on Instagram: @thebalmofgilead
📖 More blog posts: [Rooted Hope Blog]