Removing Shame

Out of The Abundance of the Heart

There is a direct correlation between relationship conflict and negative emotions. We were designed for love and intimacy. Sadly, many of us were not given healthy forms of love. So we enter relationships with baggage full of skewed love systems and unmet needs expecting the other person to meet our emotional needs. However, since unhealthy people tend to attract unhealthy individuals into their lives who enter the relationship with their own emotional baggage – unmet needs and skewed forms of love expecting us to love them as they think they should be loved – it’s a great recipe for emotional pain and conflict. People enter relationships with all kinds of learned negative patterns of behavior for dealing with relationship conflict.

The truth is we will never be able to enjoy healthy mutually satisfying relationships until we deal with the issues of our own heart. When we can identify the cause of our emotional pain, we can then process the effects they have on our life, and we can stop blaming others, take ownership of our negative feelings and behaviors and stop allowing others to control our emotions.

People are not responsible for the way they make us feel. Understanding and accepting this enables us to let others off the hook and give them permission to take ownership of their feelings and stop blaming us for how they feel. Jesus heals and restores one heart at a time.

Abuse Isn’t Always Physical

When we hear the word “abuse,” most of us picture physical harm. But according to Christian counselor June Hunt, abuse is broader, it’s any pattern of behavior designed to control, demean, or dominate a spouse.

Sadly, this can happen even in Christian homes. Abuse can wear many faces:

Verbal & Emotional – cutting words, constant criticism, manipulation, silent treatment, threats.

Financial – controlling all money, hiding resources, denying access to necessities.

Spiritual – misusing Scripture or spiritual authority to control, shame, or silence.

Sexual – coercion, disrespecting boundaries, demanding intimacy without care or consent.

Physical – hitting, shoving, throwing things, using intimidation or force.

Abuse is not love. True, Christlike love “protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13). Abuse seeks to tear down and control – love builds up and protects.

Friend, if this describes your marriage, please hear this: you are not invisible to God. He sees your pain. He calls abuse what it is – wrong. He is a refuge for the oppressed (Psalm 9:9) and will make a way of escape.

You do not have to stay silent. Healing and hope are possible.

“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” – Psalm 9:9

We are here to walk with you through your healing journey.

Heal So You Don’t Bleed on Those Who Didn’t Cut You

Sometimes we can feel like we’re being strong and doing the best thing we can do by ignoring some of the hurts we’ve been blown. That, if we just get over it and never give that person or what they did a second glance or thought, it will be done with, and we’ll just, move on. But the reality is, things have wounded us don’t just go away, but end up sitting there, deep down in our hearts, and eventually end up seeping into the relationships we have now, cutting the people closest to us in areas of THEIR heart, all because we didn’t allow God to heal the wounds we took in our own.

There’s a reason why you snap at your significant other sometimes, when they didn’t do anything to warrant it.
There’s a reason you might have trust issues with those closest to you, when they’ve given you absolutely no reason to have them.

There’s a reason why sometimes you feel so down, when you have so many reasons around you to be up.

There’s a reason why you don’t want to be intimate with your husband, when he is everything you hoped for, and the man you dearly prayed for.

There’s a reason for it all, friend. And it starts with you, going back, and addressing whats been done and what you’ve gone through, so you can give it to God, and then allow the healing hand of Jesus to come in and heal and transform you.

Because God didn’t allow all that’s been done to hurt you and the relationships you are in, but to grow you, and draw you that much closer to Him, so you can shine even brighter, and reflect even more of Him. So don’t let your pain be a tool for the enemy. Let God use it to bring healing and Him, that much more glory.
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Find what’s been done, friend. Address it. And then heal from it, so your relationships won’t keep suffering because of it. 💕🙏🏼🙌🏼
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Sarah Jean Armstrong

Healing Our Identity In Christ

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So many of us spend years searching for identity in people, places, and things.

We look to relationships, achievements, approval, or possessions to tell us who we are. And yet… those things never fully satisfy. They shift, fail, and leave us empty.

When our identity is tied to people, we feel lost when they disappoint or leave.

When it’s tied to places, we feel unsettled when life changes.

When it’s tied to things, we are left chasing the next achievement, purchase, or milestone—never at rest.

But true healing begins when we find our identity in Christ alone.
• In Him, we are chosen (1 Peter 2:9).
• In Him, we are forgiven and redeemed (Ephesians 1:7).
• In Him, we are complete (Colossians 2:10).
• In Him, we are deeply loved (Romans 8:38-39).

Healing comes when we allow God to peel back the false layers we’ve worn for so long, and let His Word define us.
Instead of striving for worth, we can rest in the truth:

I am who HE says I am.

Friend, you don’t have to live chained to other people’s opinions, past mistakes, or worldly measures of success. Jesus calls you into freedom, wholeness, and unshakable identity in Him.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with loving devotion”.
Jeremiah 31:3

Forgive Then Even When They’re Not Sorry

You’re not weak for choosing to move on. You’re not weak for choosing to let this be something you no longer dwell on. And just like Jesus died on the cross to forgive us of all we have done and will ever do, before WE were ever sorry, He is asking us to do the same. Even if they are not sorry.

It’s not easy to let things go. It takes strength in Jesus to move on. It takes wanting God’s ways over our own. And most often times it takes asking God for the all help you need to do it, and asking Him to make His powerful presence known. But the more you release and forgive what others do to you, regardless if they deserve it or not, the more you can trust Jesus is working powerfully IN you, regardless if you can feel Him or not. And much sooner than later, you’ll be able to love more, forgive more, and help others more, regardless if they ever asked for it or not.
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I talk about it a lot because forgiveness is so so powerful, friends. It changes us, and is a constant reminder of what Jesus did FOR us on the cross. When you need help forgiving, look at Jesus. Look at what HE did for US. Look up, and look at the cross.❤️

@sarah.jean.armstrong

The Love of Jesus Heals & Transforms

We can take all the baths, go on all the vacations, and read all the books we want, but the pain, hurt, and trauma that has been pushed down and stored deep down in our hearts won’t ever go away until we finally deal with them. They will only get buried deeper and deeper, until it eventually, it becomes too much, and they start seeping out in our lives, and something in us, breaks. Until we finally cannot hold in or hide the pain anymore.

Jesus is the ONLY one who knows what we have been through. Every single thing. He is the only one who can go back with us, to each situation, and TAKE that pain FROM us. But, we have to go back. We HAVE to deal with each one. We have to acknowledge what has been done. We have to allow ourselves to FEEL the pain, and process it, to let it go and finally be free from it.

When I went to a Christian counselor (which I highly recommend) for the first time, I didn’t think that the issues I was having had ANYTHING to do with some of the things I had been through. Like, NO clue. But friends, all of those things WERE the reasons I was having issues!

As we go through life, starting as precious children, we get hurt, and we will do whatever we need to do to survive the pain if we aren’t taught how to deal with it in a healthy way. Some of us harden to get through. Some of us, stuff and pretend these things never happened. Some of us turn to substances and would rather live in a state of numbing than feeling.

We were never meant to live in a state of survival. We were never meant to carry the weight of what’s been done to us. That is why Jesus came. To take ALL of the sin of this world, that others have done to us, and, what WE have done to ourselves and to others. And to heal of us it. To rid us of it, and remove the imprint left on us, from it.

We don’t need any more self love or self help books. We need the love of Jesus, to go in every crevice of our heart, and heal us, from the inside out. THAT love, changes things. THAT love, heals. And THAT love, has all the power in the world, to free you all the issues you want to change. Spend your time seeking THAT love, and EVERYTHING in you, and your life, will start to change.

What Are Boundaries Exactly?

In the world around us, physical boundaries are easy to see….. lines, fences, signs, hedges…..these are all physical boundaries. They give the same message….THIS IS WHERE MY PROPERTY BEGINS. As the owner of the property, I am legally responsible for what happens on my property line. Non-owners are not responsible. Boundaries are just as real in the spiritual realm, only harder to see. Yet they serve the same purpose. They protect ownership.

The word of God says that our bodies are the temple of the living God, and His Spirit lives in us. (1 Corinthians 3:16-17) We have been bought at a price…by the precious blood of Jesus. (1 Corinthians 6:20) Therefore, we belong to Jesus first and foremost, and our identity is in Him and Him alone. Boundaries merely help guard and protect that relationship and our relationship with self and others.

Boundaries also defend us physically, emotionally, and spiritually from intrusive or unwanted dangers. They also make it possible to engage and enjoy mutually healthy relationships because they protect those relationships by setting the course for mutual respect, consideration, and safety.

Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins….leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. If I know where my yard begins and ends, I am free to take responsibility for my life, and it opens us options to pursue the person that God created me to be. It also gives me the freedom to allow you to be who God created you to be and take responsibility for your own life. This takes the burden off both you and me.

When you have healthy boundaries, you guard yourself from giving more than you should and protect you from others taking more than they should.

Boundaries help bring order to your personal world and the world around you and guard against enmeshment and codependency, where you are controlled by others and stripped of your identity in Christ, causing great conflict in all areas of your life.

God’s Word tells us to……” Above all else guard your heart for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23)

How about you? Do you have healthy boundaries? If not, ask the Lord to show you how to put boundaries in place that will guard your heart and help you engage in mutually healthy relationships that are blessed by God.

Sometimes the Weight You Need to Lose Isn’t On Your Nody

But we’ll sure keep trying to focus on the outside, trying to control what we are putting in, trying to deal with this area or lose that, trying to do whatever we can to address things on outside, when all along, it’s those things on the inside that we have never addressed or gave attention to that are actually the problem. And more often than not, the inside is the very reason we constantly feel like we need to be doing so much to the outside. What is going on inside, is often the biggest reason why we struggle so much in certain areas of our minds, trying to live life.

We all have stuff. We all have junk in our hearts that have gotten stored up. And the only way to be free of the internal weight from it, is to allow Jesus to take you through it, so He can help you deal with it, and finally be free of it. And when we can finally get to that place, the place where we allow Him into the depths of our heart, parts where we rarely let anyone go, and surrender the baggage, hurts, violations, the wounds, even the guilt of what WE may have done that we are carrying, we can truly let go, and be free of the heaviness and weight that is holding us back from the life God has called us to live and that we should be living.

When people come in for counseling, most of the time they never even realize how much weight they’ve been carrying. They don’t even realize all that’s there (and I was one of them!😳🙈). They have gotten so used to it, that it’s become a part of them. And it’s crept it’s way into so many areas of their life, affecting HOW they live life and behave in relationships.

There’s a reason why we do what we do, friends. There’s a reason why we struggle in areas, or in relationships. There’s a reason for it ALL. And I want to start addressing these topics more to help you. So you’re reminded that you’re not your behaviors. Behaviors change. You’re not just a bad person, or someone who “just can’t get it right.” If you’re in Christ, you’re a child of the Living God, who is has the power to restore what is broken in all our lives. Who can heal all that was lost, and use it to glorify Him in our life! So stick around… new things coming. ❤️☝🏻🙏🏼

Cease from Anger

Anger can be overt – screaming, yelling, rage, throwing things, physical abusive, or it can be very covert– slow simmering suppressed anger beneath that surfaces occasionally.

Hidden anger is usually rooted in past childhood hurts, what lies underneath is ready to erupt at any moment much like a volcano.

For instance when someone does or says something wrong, the one with hidden and suppressed anger often overreacts, an innocent mistake may unleash a magnitude of anger out of proportion with the simple mistake.

If you have hidden anger, you may find yourself at one extreme or another – hopelessness to extreme hostility and yet be completely unaware why you are experiencing these feelings and may even be clueless to the severity of your outbursts of anger towards others and how they are being hurt emotionally in the wake of your anger.

Unresolved anger causes deep wounds in your relationships with God and others. It hurts little ones who are caught in the aftermath of a parent’s anger. Children learn that anger is an acceptable way to deal with conflict, and often take this modeled behavior into adulthood negatively impacting relationships at all levels.

This powerful emotion robs your heart of peace, joy and steals contentment from your spirit.

It’s never too late to get to the root of anger and allow God to heal your heart. A willingness to admit you have hidden anger is the first step to freedom. God is faithful to heal and restore those who come to Him for healing.

Guarding Our Hearts Through Boundaries

In the physical world, boundaries are easy to see, lines, fences, signs, hedges, these are all physical boundaries. They give the same message -THIS IS WHERE MY PROPERTY BEGINS. As the owner of the property, I am legally responsible what happens on my property line. Non owners are not responsible. In the spiritual realm boundaries are just as real only harder to see. Yet they serve the same purpose. They protect ownership.

Our bodies are the temple of the living God and His Spirit lives in us. (1 Corinthians 3:16-17) We have been bought at a price…by the precious blood of Jesus . (1 Corinthians 6:20) Therefore, we belong to Jesus first and foremost and our identity is in Him and Him alone. Boundaries merely help guard and protect that relationship and our relationship with self and others.

Boundaries also defend us physically, emotionally and spiritually from intrusive or unwanted dangers. They also make it possible to engage and enjoy a mutually healthy relationships because they protect those relationships by setting the course for mutual respect, consideration and safety.

Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins….leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. If I know where my yard begins and ends, I am free to take responsibility for my life and it opens us options to pursue the person that God created me to be. It also gives me the freedom to allow you to be who God created you to be and take responsibility for your own life. This takes the burden off both you and me.

Healthy boundaries guard yourself from giving more than you should and protect you from others taking more than they should.

Boundaries help bring order to your personal world and the world around you and guard against enmeshment and codependency where you are controlled by others and stripped of your identity in Christ causing great conflict in all areas of your life.

Do you have healthy boundaries? If not ask God to show you how to put boundaries in place that will guard your heart and help you engage in mutually healthy relationships.