Stop expecting people to respond like you, behave like you, or do things like you. When you stop expecting these things from people, you’ll stop being disappointed with people and be free to love them where they’re at, for who they are, and who God created them to be. And it’s FREEING. You don’t hang on their words or responses. You aren’t waiting for the response that you think any “normal” person would give. You get to just, expect nothing. Need nothing in return. And love people.
We are all different, we all handle things different, we are all wired different, we have all lived through things that make us see things differently. Yeah, some people are more dysfunctional, yes, some people are odd, and some more…difficult, but always looking for people to respond a certain way or see things the way you see it is only setting you up to be constantly disappointed with them, life, God, and whatever else comes your way that you just don’t agree with. It’s really hard to live with or around someone who expects you to be someone you’re not. It’s really nice to be around someone who accepts you for all you are, and roots for you as you work to grow and change. It’s exhausting to be around someone where you feel like the way you respond is always just, wrong. It’s really incredible to be around someone who is full of acceptance, life, and makes it easy to be yourself. We have to remember, great expectations lead to great disappointments. Every time.
Make it your goal to just, love people, and accept them and who they are. People’s responses to things tells a story. It’s a piece of who they are. We will get so blessed by people when all expectations are taken off them. You might not always like what people have to say, but sometimes, you will be blown away by what they say. And God will use it so powerfully in your life. But it only happens when you stop expecting so much, and start accepting more. And choose to stop pushing people out the door who don’t think or act like you.
Let’s stop expecting people to be like us. God created us 100% uniquely for a reason. And I think that is pretty darn special and awesome.
Sarah Jean Armstrong
Tag: Christ Centered Counseling
The Love of Jesus Heals & Transforms
We can take all the baths, go on all the vacations, and read all the books we want, but the pain, hurt, and trauma that has been pushed down and stored deep down in our hearts won’t ever go away until we finally deal with them. They will only get buried deeper and deeper, until it eventually, it becomes too much, and they start seeping out in our lives, and something in us, breaks. Until we finally cannot hold in or hide the pain anymore.
Jesus is the ONLY one who knows what we have been through. Every single thing. He is the only one who can go back with us, to each situation, and TAKE that pain FROM us. But, we have to go back. We HAVE to deal with each one. We have to acknowledge what has been done. We have to allow ourselves to FEEL the pain, and process it, to let it go and finally be free from it.
When I went to a Christian counselor (which I highly recommend) for the first time, I didn’t think that the issues I was having had ANYTHING to do with some of the things I had been through. Like, NO clue. But friends, all of those things WERE the reasons I was having issues!
As we go through life, starting as precious children, we get hurt, and we will do whatever we need to do to survive the pain if we aren’t taught how to deal with it in a healthy way. Some of us harden to get through. Some of us, stuff and pretend these things never happened. Some of us turn to substances and would rather live in a state of numbing than feeling.
We were never meant to live in a state of survival. We were never meant to carry the weight of what’s been done to us. That is why Jesus came. To take ALL of the sin of this world, that others have done to us, and, what WE have done to ourselves and to others. And to heal of us it. To rid us of it, and remove the imprint left on us, from it.
We don’t need any more self love or self help books. We need the love of Jesus, to go in every crevice of our heart, and heal us, from the inside out. THAT love, changes things. THAT love, heals. And THAT love, has all the power in the world, to free you all the issues you want to change. Spend your time seeking THAT love, and EVERYTHING in you, and your life, will start to change.
What Are Boundaries Exactly?
In the world around us, physical boundaries are easy to see….. lines, fences, signs, hedges…..these are all physical boundaries. They give the same message….THIS IS WHERE MY PROPERTY BEGINS. As the owner of the property, I am legally responsible for what happens on my property line. Non-owners are not responsible. Boundaries are just as real in the spiritual realm, only harder to see. Yet they serve the same purpose. They protect ownership.
The word of God says that our bodies are the temple of the living God, and His Spirit lives in us. (1 Corinthians 3:16-17) We have been bought at a price…by the precious blood of Jesus. (1 Corinthians 6:20) Therefore, we belong to Jesus first and foremost, and our identity is in Him and Him alone. Boundaries merely help guard and protect that relationship and our relationship with self and others.
Boundaries also defend us physically, emotionally, and spiritually from intrusive or unwanted dangers. They also make it possible to engage and enjoy mutually healthy relationships because they protect those relationships by setting the course for mutual respect, consideration, and safety.
Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins….leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. If I know where my yard begins and ends, I am free to take responsibility for my life, and it opens us options to pursue the person that God created me to be. It also gives me the freedom to allow you to be who God created you to be and take responsibility for your own life. This takes the burden off both you and me.
When you have healthy boundaries, you guard yourself from giving more than you should and protect you from others taking more than they should.
Boundaries help bring order to your personal world and the world around you and guard against enmeshment and codependency, where you are controlled by others and stripped of your identity in Christ, causing great conflict in all areas of your life.
God’s Word tells us to……” Above all else guard your heart for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23)
How about you? Do you have healthy boundaries? If not, ask the Lord to show you how to put boundaries in place that will guard your heart and help you engage in mutually healthy relationships that are blessed by God.
Have You Ever Had A Crushed Spirit?
Disappointment. Grief. Pain. Sorrow. Strife. Broken relationships.
All of these in isolation, or all together, are enough to crush even the strongest among us. And a crushed spirit can often last much longer than any sickness. Illnesses often have cures or medicine to alleviate the pain. A crushed spirit knows no such relief. Or does it?
Psalm 34:18 says that the Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit. The psalmist goes on to say that while the afflictions of the righteous are many, the Lord delivers him out of them all.
The proverb is true. We cannot bear a crushed spirit. But God can. While we would break under the sheer weight of such sorrow, God upholds us. And we are not alone. God knows our circumstances and is there to deliver us. Is it always immediate? No, but it will happen one day. While he will always be near to us in our moments of deepest suffering, he might not deliver us right away. Deliverance is coming, and while we wait for that day his promise to be near sustains us.
But there is something even more profound about this God who is near to the crushed in spirit. He knows the crushing blows intimately well. How can we know this? Because he crushed his own Son for our deliverance. The Savior, God the Son, was crushed for us. The Father was momentarily separated from him so we would always be near him. No one ever experienced a more crushed spirit than Christ on that day on the cross, all so we would never face such wrath and condemnation. Our ultimate deliverance from pain and sorrow is sure because the cross is sure. Psalm 34:18 is true because the cross is true.
A crushed spirit is impossible to bear; this is true. But by God’s grace and kindness, we do not have to bear such crushing blows alone. We have a God who not only promises his presence in every pain but also knows our pain most intimately. A crushed spirit only God can bear, and he daily bears us up.
Cease from Anger
Anger can be overt – screaming, yelling, rage, throwing things, physical abusive, or it can be very covert– slow simmering suppressed anger beneath that surfaces occasionally.
Hidden anger is usually rooted in past childhood hurts, what lies underneath is ready to erupt at any moment much like a volcano.
For instance when someone does or says something wrong, the one with hidden and suppressed anger often overreacts, an innocent mistake may unleash a magnitude of anger out of proportion with the simple mistake.
If you have hidden anger, you may find yourself at one extreme or another – hopelessness to extreme hostility and yet be completely unaware why you are experiencing these feelings and may even be clueless to the severity of your outbursts of anger towards others and how they are being hurt emotionally in the wake of your anger.
Unresolved anger causes deep wounds in your relationships with God and others. It hurts little ones who are caught in the aftermath of a parent’s anger. Children learn that anger is an acceptable way to deal with conflict, and often take this modeled behavior into adulthood negatively impacting relationships at all levels.
This powerful emotion robs your heart of peace, joy and steals contentment from your spirit.
It’s never too late to get to the root of anger and allow God to heal your heart. A willingness to admit you have hidden anger is the first step to freedom. God is faithful to heal and restore those who come to Him for healing.
Let It Go!
It’s not worth holding onto. Words said, actions done. You bringing it up over and over again. Whatever it is, God saw it all and when you realize that it isn’t up to you to make someone see how much they hurt you, or punish them for what they did to you, you can truly release what’s been done and then go to God and ask Him for His guidance and help on what you should do. Maybe it’s simply to forgive them, because they just had a hard day, and it was more about them, than you. Maybe He tells you it’s time to remove them from your life because the relationship isn’t a healthy one, or a Godly one, and He doesn’t want them to continually keep hurting you. Whatever it is, whatever was said or done, it doesn’t define you, and so there is no use holding onto it, like it does, and making it a part of you. Holding on to it, thinking that you NEED to. You don’t. It’s done. It’s over. So, now it’s your turn, to do what YOU need to do to quit letting things affect you like they have, and it’s you who needs to realize that there’s so much more going on behind what’s been done or said.
We ALL make mistakes. We ALL have bad days. And sometimes, that’s all it was. A bad day for someone that escalated and got much worse, and they truly just need forgiveness and grace. Or sometimes, it was a nudge from God to wake up, realize you need to make some decisions about this person, bury the hatch, and get out of the same thoughts and situation you’ve been continually sitting in every day.
Either way, it’s time to let it go, friend. We ain’t got time to be holding onto words and things done to us that are only taking up space in our hearts, and the freedom that comes from forgiving people, moving on, and releasing what’s been done, is truly how we see more of God, and more of HIS unending grace, which is what we ALL don’t deserve, but still receive, every, single, day.
Holding on to it isn’t helping one bit. It’s time to deal with it, move on from it, and then, let it go of it.
Guarding Our Hearts Through Boundaries
In the physical world, boundaries are easy to see, lines, fences, signs, hedges, these are all physical boundaries. They give the same message -THIS IS WHERE MY PROPERTY BEGINS. As the owner of the property, I am legally responsible what happens on my property line. Non owners are not responsible. In the spiritual realm boundaries are just as real only harder to see. Yet they serve the same purpose. They protect ownership.
Our bodies are the temple of the living God and His Spirit lives in us. (1 Corinthians 3:16-17) We have been bought at a price…by the precious blood of Jesus . (1 Corinthians 6:20) Therefore, we belong to Jesus first and foremost and our identity is in Him and Him alone. Boundaries merely help guard and protect that relationship and our relationship with self and others.
Boundaries also defend us physically, emotionally and spiritually from intrusive or unwanted dangers. They also make it possible to engage and enjoy a mutually healthy relationships because they protect those relationships by setting the course for mutual respect, consideration and safety.
Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins….leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. If I know where my yard begins and ends, I am free to take responsibility for my life and it opens us options to pursue the person that God created me to be. It also gives me the freedom to allow you to be who God created you to be and take responsibility for your own life. This takes the burden off both you and me.
Healthy boundaries guard yourself from giving more than you should and protect you from others taking more than they should.
Boundaries help bring order to your personal world and the world around you and guard against enmeshment and codependency where you are controlled by others and stripped of your identity in Christ causing great conflict in all areas of your life.
Do you have healthy boundaries? If not ask God to show you how to put boundaries in place that will guard your heart and help you engage in mutually healthy relationships.
Counseling That Heals & Sets Free
There are many self-help books available offering various theories and approaches for overcoming negative emotions and behaviors. Modern-day psychology is valuable in understanding the soul (mind, emotions, and will). That is the area that gets sick that drives belief systems and negative emotions. The rooted systems in our life can make our souls extremely sick. A psychology approach can diagnose the problem and offer solution.
However, since the solution offered is rooted in humanism and, therefore, man-made, there is no true long-term healing that can occur. At best, it can help change behavior and give you tools for self-discipline or positive thinking. That is not freedom. There is no lasting victory because it does not deal with sin. It does not allow for the blood of Christ to cleanse us and change us. It merely puts a band-aid over symptoms. It may address anxiety, depression, outward manifestations, and symptoms of deeper issues – but often, the first solution offered is medication and never gets to the root. So people are not getting the true healing they are seeking.
As Christians, we know that only God has the power to heal us from the inside out and set us free. That is true victory. He doesn’t just change behaviors; He transforms, renews, restores, redeems, and breaks the chains of bondage. Psalm 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Isaiah also tells us that God is the “Wonderful Counselor.” John 14:6 says, “the Holy Spirit is the Counselor.”
Therefore, true freedom is found only by applying biblical truths to the wounds of our hearts. Jesus is the balm of Gilead. He is the ointment that heals the wounds of God’s hurting children.
Emotions & Your Thoughts
Emotions are tied to our thought life. Have you ever stepped back and listened to your thoughts? Have you been surprised by them and wondered where they were coming from? In his book ‚Wild at Heart,‛ John Eldredge wrote, ‚We are being lied to all the time. Yet, we never stop to say, ‘Wait a minute who else is speaking here? Where are these ideas coming from? Where are these feelings coming from?‛
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Satan is at war with God’s children. He is a crafty one and a deceiver and, he knows if he were to show up as a dark, scary figure, with a pitchfork, we would immediately flee, sensing danger. So, instead, he uses our fears, hurts, and insecurities to influence us through our thought life. He knows that if he can control our minds, he can control our behavior and, what is his most used weapon to do so? Lies! When we believe Satan’s lies, rather than God’s truth, it leads to faulty ways of thinking and wrong behaviors that enslave our souls. The only defense we have to protect our minds from being lost in the darkness of lies, is the truth: the inerrant Word of God.
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God’s word gives a detailed combat strategy for defeating the enemy. We are to pull down strongholds (rooted lies) and bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). Simply put, we must replace Satan’s lies with God’s truth. If your thoughts are telling you that you are not good enough that you are unworthy that you are ugly that you will always live in fear that you will never heal or that you will always live in bondage, stop for one moment and ask yourself, ‛Whose voice am I hearing? Who is it that is telling me that?‛
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God’s word tells us that Jesus is the Good Shepherd and His sheep hear His voice and His voice protects them from the thief who wants to destroy them. Our beloved Savior would never harm His sheep by speaking such lies. If you hear that you will never amount to anything, that’s a lie from the enemy choose, instead, to listen to your Shepherd who says, ‘For I know the thoughts I have towards you, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to bring you a future and a hope‛ (Jeremiah 29:11). The enemy is a liar and cannot stand against God’s truth.
Suppressed Anger
Anger can be overt – screaming, yelling, rage, throwing things, physical abusive, or it can be very covert– slow-simmering suppressed anger beneath that surfaces occasionally.
While hidden anger is usually rooted in past childhood hurts, what lies underneath is ready to erupt at any moment much like a volcano.
For instance, when someone does or says something wrong, the one with hidden and suppressed anger often overreacts, an innocent mistake may unleash a magnitude of anger out of proportion with the simple mistake.
If you have hidden anger, you may find yourself at one extreme or another – hopelessness to extreme hostility and yet be completely unaware why you are experiencing these feelings and may even be clueless to the severity of your outbursts of anger towards others and how they are being hurt emotionally in the wake of your anger.
Unresolved anger causes deep wounds in your relationships with God and others. It hurts little ones who are caught in the aftermath of a parent’s anger. Children learn that anger is an acceptable way to deal with conflict, and often take this modeled behavior into adulthood negatively impacting relationships at all levels.
This powerful emotion robs your heart of peace, joy and steals contentment from your spirit.
It’s never too late to get to the root of anger and allow God to heal your heart. A willingness to admit you have hidden anger is the first step to freedom. God is faithful to heal and restore those who come to Him for healing.