Author: Cecilia Trent

Cease from Anger

Anger can be overt – screaming, yelling, rage, throwing things, physical abusive, or it can be very covert– slow simmering suppressed anger beneath that surfaces occasionally.

Hidden anger is usually rooted in past childhood hurts, what lies underneath is ready to erupt at any moment much like a volcano.

For instance when someone does or says something wrong, the one with hidden and suppressed anger often overreacts, an innocent mistake may unleash a magnitude of anger out of proportion with the simple mistake.

If you have hidden anger, you may find yourself at one extreme or another – hopelessness to extreme hostility and yet be completely unaware why you are experiencing these feelings and may even be clueless to the severity of your outbursts of anger towards others and how they are being hurt emotionally in the wake of your anger.

Unresolved anger causes deep wounds in your relationships with God and others. It hurts little ones who are caught in the aftermath of a parent’s anger. Children learn that anger is an acceptable way to deal with conflict, and often take this modeled behavior into adulthood negatively impacting relationships at all levels.

This powerful emotion robs your heart of peace, joy and steals contentment from your spirit.

It’s never too late to get to the root of anger and allow God to heal your heart. A willingness to admit you have hidden anger is the first step to freedom. God is faithful to heal and restore those who come to Him for healing.

When Helping Is Hurting

When someone is caught up in the throes of addiction, they are in bondage. They have lost the ability to stop using altogether. Family members of loved ones trapped in the cycle and the roller coaster of addiction do not comprehend the insanity of addiction. They honestly believe that if their loved one cared about their family, they would stop.  Since they don’t understand the dynamics of addiction they think they can shame, guilt, manipulate, threaten or bribe someone into quitting.  What they don’t understand is that you cannot rationalize addiction. People will go insane trying to get their loved ones to stop using often caring more about the addict’s life and responsibilities than they do, and become fixated on trying to fix, change, manage and control the addicted person’s behavior. And because they think they can love someone enough for them to stop using, they often enable the bad behavior by not allowing people to suffer the consequences of their poor choices that hurt them and those around them. Thus without realizing it, they reinforce the bad behavior and offer the person in bondage no incentive to change or seek help. This allows the addiction to continue and hinders “the bottom” necessary for getting to a sweet place of brokenness and surrender required for healing and breaking free from the bondage of addiction.

Doesn’t the Bible tell us to help the needy? Yes, but it also tells us to be wise. Often our helping is actually hurting. But how do we know the difference?  Helping is doing something for someone else that they are not capable of doing for themselves.  Enabling is doing things for someone else that they can and should be doing for themselves. Enabling encourages and helps the addict to stay in addiction.

On the surface, the “enabler’ may appear to be doing all the right things and doing good things to stop the user from destroying themselves, but often the enabler needs as much help as the addicted person. The only difference is that one behavior looks very good on the surface while the other not so good. The truth is they both need help.

Make no mistake about it! Allowing someone to continue in their addiction without making them accountable for their destructive behavior is enabling, it’s destructive, and must be addressed. Because it hurts everyone involved and cosigns with the enemy to destroy families, relationships and separates us from God. Both sides need to take responsibility and be accountable for their side of the fence. What, they both have in common is an inner woundedness. There is a deeper issue causing the addiction and the enabling. The difference is that it’s harder for the enabler to see their need for help because the rooted issues do not manifest in seemingly negative behaviors shunned by the Church and society but are instead applauded as selfless acts of mercy and love. Enabling allows the addict and enabler to stay in bondage, preventing them from seeing their need for help, and the destructive cycle will continue for a lifetime without intervention.

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.” (Galatians 6:1)

“Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness but rather expose them.” (Ephesians 5:11)

 

Let It Go!

It’s not worth holding onto. Words said, actions done. You bringing it up over and over again. Whatever it is, God saw it all and when you realize that it isn’t up to you to make someone see how much they hurt you, or punish them for what they did to you, you can truly release what’s been done and then go to God and ask Him for His guidance and help on what you should do. Maybe it’s simply to forgive them, because they just had a hard day, and it was more about them, than you. Maybe He tells you it’s time to remove them from your life because the relationship isn’t a healthy one, or a Godly one, and He doesn’t want them to continually keep hurting you. Whatever it is, whatever was said or done, it doesn’t define you, and so there is no use holding onto it, like it does, and making it a part of you. Holding on to it, thinking that you NEED to. You don’t. It’s done. It’s over. So, now it’s your turn, to do what YOU need to do to quit letting things affect you like they have, and it’s you who needs to realize that there’s so much more going on behind what’s been done or said.

We ALL make mistakes. We ALL have bad days. And sometimes, that’s all it was. A bad day for someone that escalated and got much worse, and they truly just need forgiveness and grace. Or sometimes, it was a nudge from God to wake up, realize you need to make some decisions about this person, bury the hatch, and get out of the same thoughts and situation you’ve been continually sitting in every day.

Either way, it’s time to let it go, friend. We ain’t got time to be holding onto words and things done to us that are only taking up space in our hearts, and the freedom that comes from forgiving people, moving on, and releasing what’s been done, is truly how we see more of God, and more of HIS unending grace, which is what we ALL don’t deserve, but still receive, every, single, day.

Holding on to it isn’t helping one bit. It’s time to deal with it, move on from it, and then, let it go of it.

 

No Boundaries Aren’t Grudges

Friends, don’t let someone else’s undealt with issues begin to make you feel like you have issues. This kind of person wants a reaction and thrives in dysfunction — not necessarily because they are a bad person, because this is what they know. This is how they lived, and if
they have never gone back and allowed someone or God to help them see it wasn’t healthy, they’ll stay in it, and pull the people close to them into it.

Sometimes we have family members that do this and we have gotten healthy, but they have not. And often, they have a hard time with that. Well, in comes the boundary, and you can trust that God will help you stand your ground as you make it in love, and just speak the truth. Be prepared though, because often when that person sees their tactics aren’t working anymore, it can get bad. It can get ugly. But you have to remember, it’s not you, it’s just God bringing to light some of the wounds, hurt, and ugliness in their heart that needs dealt with.

Recognizing the toxic behavior ahead of time will save you years of heartache. As I said, if we are used to toxic behavior in our relationships, we will almost crave it, to feel normal. But all it takes is looking back over your life at the relationships you’ve had, and how your family operated (or didn’t operate at all), and if you know it wasn’t the greatest, or you know there were some issues, bringing them to God and asking Him to show you what needs to be dealt with, so you don’t carry those things or behaviors into any more relationships with you. A Christian counselor is a game changer. Their job is to literally look over your whole life with you, and help you receive healing in every area, for what’s happened to you, what’s been done to you, and what you might have done to others.

But if you are the one dealing with someone toxic, don’t take it. Sometimes the best thing you can do is put a boundary in the sand that will push them directly into the healing arms of Jesus. Even if it hurts or is hard to do, it is the GOOD, right, and loving thing to do. For you, AND them.

Sarah Jean Armstron

What Does A Biblical Marriage Look Like?

In marriage, we are followers of Christ first then a spouse. In the same way, it’s important to remember that these verses apply to us (first):
🌼 Ephesians 5:1-2 “Imitate God; therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ…”
🌼v.3 “Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you…”
🌼v.6 “Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins…”
🌼 v.10 “Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them”.
🌼 v.21 “and further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ”

Don’t miss that all the verses before v.22 apply to you, your spouse and together in your marriage.

With these verses as a foundation, we see the way a healthy marriage should look like, one that pleases the Lord. A marriage that communicates the love of Christ for His Church and His Church for Him in this dark and fallen world 🙏

Barriers Preventing Us from Forgiving Others

A huge barrier to forgiving others is the misconception about, forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration. Many people believe that by forgiving, they will continue to live as doormats allowing sinful behavior when nothing has changed. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Forgiveness focuses on the offense. It only involves one person and has nothing to do with what the other person chooses to do. Reconciliation focuses on the relationship. It requires two people engaged in the process.

Forgiveness is the choice to release the offender. Reconciliation is the choice to rejoin the offender. It’s being brought back into a relationship where a wall of separation has been erected. Restoration is the process that makes that possible. Restoration of a relationship takes far more than forgiveness. It requires confession, repentance, and a strong commitment on both sides to work on the relationship and rebuild trust. And it often takes a much longer time.

For example, if a loved is engaged in drugs, alcohol, abuse, or some other harmful behavior, they may ask us to forgive them. Of course, God’s heart is always that we forgive, but if they ask that we go back to the way it was, the answer is a resounding NO! That’s not what we do at all. Love holds people accountable. Love protects. We do not have to allow harmful behavior that hurts us and our families. Thus, there may be extremely toxic, unhealthy people who may need to be removed from our lives.

An example is a relative who sexually molested us as a child. We can forgive them as God has called us to, but having a relationship with them may endanger ourselves and others. So forgiveness does not mean we have to have any kind of relationship with the offender ever again. Forgiveness is a choice, and it’s a willful act of obedience that blesses the heart of our Father in Heaven and sets us free.

Forgiveness Transforms

The past, along with the present and future, belongs to Abba God. Therefore, let us trust and honor God by surrendering it to Him, all for His ordained and anointed purpose. Let us partner with The Balm of Gilead in a heart healing; obey and trust Him to make all things new; praise Him for all He has done and will continue to do.

Let us give God all the glory for how He made a way for us through Jesus; believe and fully receive His Grace. Let us rejoice that we are reconciled by The Blood of The Lamb; sanctified, transformed and regenerated by The Holy Spirit.

Take heart, for there is no place in the present or our future for anything old. We are a new creation…kin with Christ…citizens of Heaven. If there is anything useful from our brokenness, God can certainly transform it into something beautiful, according to His Will and all for His Marvelous Glory…

Isaiah 43:19
Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.

Sexual Addiction Is an Escape Mechanism

Just like with many addictions, it is a way for people to cope. But sexual addiction is so seductive, it captures even the most innocent eyes. Do not lose hope friends. There is a way of escape, there is a way of healing, there is a way to freedom.

If you are using pornography as a way to escape, as a way to cope with life; then you have a Savior who is able to connect with you and who intercedes for you even right now. Instead of pursuing ways that will not fulfill; He can give you living water that always satisfies. He is ready to hear from you, you can surrender your struggles to Him.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin.” Hebrews 4:15 CSB

“For everything in the world — the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride in one’s possessions — is not from the Father, but is from the world.” 1 John 2:16 CSB

“For my people have committed a double evil: They have abandoned me, the fountain of living water, and dug cisterns for themselves —  cracked cisterns that cannot hold water.” Jeremiah 2:13 CSB

 

The Pain of Your Past Is Never Wasted

The pain of unmet needs, thoughtless words, hurtful actions, to overt abuse can linger for a lifetime manifesting in various negative behaviors such as addiction, unhealthy relationships, and abusive patterns. This toxic system can pollute everything around us.
Behind the violation and the physical pain of the trauma of abuse, a message was sent to the hearts of victims that have left deep open wounds that continue to fester. These messages speak lies to us and skew beliefs about ourselves and others. These lies lead our wounded hearts to adopt faulty reactions and faulty behaviors to hide our intense hurt and build walls that act as barriers to intimacy with God. Yet the Lord lovingly uses our current struggles, failures, and our problem relationships to reveal unresolved emotional pain as God calls each one of us to account. He wants to break down those walls of self-protection and heal our hurting hearts to set us free. Take a moment to meditate on the following scripture and let it resonate deeply in your hearts.
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed.”
Luke 4:18
If you have found yourself the prisoner of a painful past, there is hope for your hurting heart. God’s word says…
“In all things, give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”
1 Thessalonians 5:18
No trial – no abuse is wasted. Your pain doesn’t have to be pointless; it can be full of purpose. Because you know the pain of abuse you can have compassion for others who have been wounded and abused. Thank God for what He is teaching you through the very difficult situation and the pain. Allow the Lord to take your pain and turn it into a precious ministry – a ministry of compassion to comfort and exhort others who are hurting.

You Can’t Heal A Wound By Saying It’s Not There

 

It’s easier to stuff pain inside, wear a painted smile and pretend that everything is okay, but masking issues of the heart only perpetuates our hurts.
Eventually, undealt issues spring up and defile all areas of our lives, including relationships. Inwardly our souls are crying out to be healed. At some point, we may grudgingly seek help. However, it is essential to understand that in order to be healed, we must be willing to be healed no matter how painful and difficult the journey.

Jesus asked one question to the lame man at the pool of Bethesda in John 5:2 “Do you want to be made well?” This is the pivotal question for every person seeking healing for emotional wounds. The simple truth is that not everyone wants to be made well. They may start off eager with the best intentions, emotionally feeling that they cannot go on another day, but at the end of the day, do not want to be made well, and those who do not want to get well are not going to get well.

Why would I not want to walk in the freedom from the bondage that Christ set me free from? F-E-A-R! Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of what may be uprooted and exposed, fear of pain, fear that we may have to give up (someone or something); Or we may not be desperate enough yet.

Perhaps we have grown comfortable in our dysfunction and are comfortable in a victim role. We may not have reached a breaking point yet where we face losing someone we love, such as a spouse, or a relationship, maybe even a job, our freedom, and in our minds – we tell ourselves as bad as our current situation is – “it’s not as bad as so and so’s”, or at least we know how to respond, or how to continue to do life and even serve in ministry. However, we are putting on the painted smile while living in a prison in our own mind. But make no mistake…It is never God’s fault. If we do not want to embark on the journey and “be made well” – we won’t get well. Healing is a choice.

If you are in a place where you are desperate enough to get help and want to be made well, then I pray that nothing will hinder you from getting the healing that you need and will encounter the Healer in a deep and intimate way.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Psalm 147:3

DO YOU WANT TO BE MADE WELL?