Tag: Biblical Counseling

Out of The Abundance of the Heart

There is a direct correlation between relationship conflict and negative emotions. We were designed for love and intimacy.  Sadly, many of us were not given healthy forms of love. So we enter relationships with baggage full of skewed love systems and unmet needs expecting the other person to meet our emotional needs. However, since unhealthy people tend to attract unhealthy individuals into their lives who enter the relationship with their own emotional baggage – unmet needs and skewed forms of love expecting us to love them as they think they should be loved – it’s  a great recipe for emotional pain and conflict.  People enter relationships with all kinds of learned negative patterns of behavior for dealing with relationship conflict.

The truth is we will never be able to enjoy healthy mutually satisfying relationships until we deal with the issues of our own heart. When we can identify the cause of our emotional pain, we can then process the effects they have on our life, and we can stop blaming others, take ownership of our negative feelings and behaviors and stop allowing others to control our emotions.

People are not responsible for the way they make us feel. Understanding and accepting this enables us to let others off the hook and give them permission to take ownership of their feelings and stop blaming us for how they feel.  Jesus heals and restores one heart at a time.

Boundaries Without Bitterness

Boundaries are not walls of hostility; they are lines of holiness. In a world that often confuses love with compromise, Scripture calls us to practice holy separation—to live set apart without harboring resentment or bitterness. Boundaries rooted in God’s Word protect our hearts, preserve our witness, and allow us to walk in freedom.

What Holy Separation Is (and Isn’t)

It is not isolation. Jesus Himself ate with sinners, yet He never blurred the line between fellowship and compromise.

It is not bitterness. Boundaries are not fueled by anger or rejection, but by obedience and love.

It is consecration. To be holy means to be “set apart” for God’s purposes, not simply withdrawn from people.

Biblical Foundations for Boundaries

Proverbs 4:23 — “Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” Boundaries are a form of guarding.

Amos 3:3 — “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” Healthy separation acknowledges when agreement is impossible without compromise.

Romans 12:18 — “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” Boundaries help us pursue peace without sacrificing holiness.

Practicing Boundaries Without Bitterness

  1. Anchor in Love — Set boundaries with the motive of protecting love, not punishing others.
  2. Communicate with Grace — Speak truth seasoned with gentleness, avoiding harshness or accusation.
  3. Release Resentment — Forgive quickly, even when separation is necessary. Bitterness poisons the soul, but forgiveness frees it.
  4. Stay Mission-Minded — Boundaries are not about exclusion; they are about staying aligned with God’s mission for your life.
  5. Pray for Those You Step Away From — Intercession keeps your heart tender and prevents bitterness from taking root.

The Fruit of Holy Separation

When boundaries are practiced biblically, they produce:

Peace — A settled spirit that is not tossed by compromise.

Clarity — A renewed focus on God’s calling.

Freedom — Release from unhealthy entanglements.

Witness — A testimony that holiness and love can coexist.

Closing Reflection

Boundaries without bitterness are a mark of spiritual maturity. They remind us that holiness is not about superiority, but about surrender. As we practice holy separation, we do so with hearts that remain open to love, forgiveness, and reconciliation—always reflecting Christ, who was both set apart and deeply compassionate.

May our boundaries be built not on fear or resentment, but on the firm foundation of God’s Word and the gentle strength of His Spirit.

 

 

Healing from Complex Trauma After Emotional Abuse

People living under emotional control and gaslighting experience trauma not once, but daily.

Each time you were made to question your memory, apologize for their behavior, or minimize your pain, it sent the message that your feelings didn’t matter. Over time, this repeated invalidation breaks down your inner world.

You may notice symptoms like:

Feeling numb, anxious, or constantly on edge

Difficulty trusting your own perceptions

Fear of making decisions or upsetting others

Shame, guilt, or confusion about what really happened

A deep sense of loss for who you used to be

These are not weaknesses. They are the echoes of chronic emotional harm.

The Psychological and Spiritual Toll.

Complex trauma affects the brain and nervous system—keeping you in a cycle of fear and self-doubt. Spiritually, it can make you question even God’s goodness or your worth in His eyes.

 

But the truth is this: the abuse was never your fault. The Lord sees every wound, every tear, and every hidden scar. He is not distant from your pain—He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).

The Path of Healing.

Healing from complex trauma is a process of both renewing your mind and restoring your spirit:

Recognize the truth: What happened to you was wrong. God calls evil what it is (Isaiah 5:20).

Rebuild your safety: Healthy boundaries and safe people are part of God’s design for healing.

Renew your identity: Your worth is not defined by what someone did to you—it’s defined by what Christ did for you.

Restore connection: The Holy Spirit is your Comforter, Counselor, and Healer. Invite Him into the places that still ache.

“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” — John 8:32

Reflection Question:

Where in your heart have you believed lies about your worth or identity?

Ask the Lord to replace those lies with His truth today.

Prayer

Lord Jesus, You are the Balm of Gilead. Heal the wounds that were never seen, the fears that were never spoken, and the hearts that were never believed. Restore truth where lies have lived, peace where chaos reigned, and joy where sorrow took root. Remind us who we are in You—whole, loved, and free. Amen.

If you’re struggling to process emotional pain or past trauma, you don’t have to walk through it alone.

At The Balm of Gilead, our Christ-centered counselors are here to help you uncover the roots of your pain and find healing and freedom in Christ. Link below for more information.

​Christ Centered Counseling – THE BALM OF GILEAD MINISTRIES

Heal So You Don’t Bleed on Those Who Didn’t Cut You

Sometimes we can feel like we’re being strong and doing the best thing we can do by ignoring some of the hurts we’ve been blown. That, if we just get over it and never give that person or what they did a second glance or thought, it will be done with, and we’ll just, move on. But the reality is, things have wounded us don’t just go away, but end up sitting there, deep down in our hearts, and eventually end up seeping into the relationships we have now, cutting the people closest to us in areas of THEIR heart, all because we didn’t allow God to heal the wounds we took in our own.

There’s a reason why you snap at your significant other sometimes, when they didn’t do anything to warrant it.
There’s a reason you might have trust issues with those closest to you, when they’ve given you absolutely no reason to have them.

There’s a reason why sometimes you feel so down, when you have so many reasons around you to be up.

There’s a reason why you don’t want to be intimate with your husband, when he is everything you hoped for, and the man you dearly prayed for.

There’s a reason for it all, friend. And it starts with you, going back, and addressing whats been done and what you’ve gone through, so you can give it to God, and then allow the healing hand of Jesus to come in and heal and transform you.

Because God didn’t allow all that’s been done to hurt you and the relationships you are in, but to grow you, and draw you that much closer to Him, so you can shine even brighter, and reflect even more of Him. So don’t let your pain be a tool for the enemy. Let God use it to bring healing and Him, that much more glory.
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Find what’s been done, friend. Address it. And then heal from it, so your relationships won’t keep suffering because of it. 💕🙏🏼🙌🏼
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Sarah Jean Armstrong

Healing Our Identity In Christ

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So many of us spend years searching for identity in people, places, and things.

We look to relationships, achievements, approval, or possessions to tell us who we are. And yet… those things never fully satisfy. They shift, fail, and leave us empty.

When our identity is tied to people, we feel lost when they disappoint or leave.

When it’s tied to places, we feel unsettled when life changes.

When it’s tied to things, we are left chasing the next achievement, purchase, or milestone—never at rest.

But true healing begins when we find our identity in Christ alone.
• In Him, we are chosen (1 Peter 2:9).
• In Him, we are forgiven and redeemed (Ephesians 1:7).
• In Him, we are complete (Colossians 2:10).
• In Him, we are deeply loved (Romans 8:38-39).

Healing comes when we allow God to peel back the false layers we’ve worn for so long, and let His Word define us.
Instead of striving for worth, we can rest in the truth:

I am who HE says I am.

Friend, you don’t have to live chained to other people’s opinions, past mistakes, or worldly measures of success. Jesus calls you into freedom, wholeness, and unshakable identity in Him.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with loving devotion”.
Jeremiah 31:3

God Made Boundaries

God’s boundaries are a gift of love. From the very beginning, He set boundaries that separate light from dark, land from sea, good from evil, holiness from unholiness. Boundaries show ownership and worth, and in our lives, they protect what we value.

Scripture reminds us that we are the temple of the living God. That means you are precious and of tremendous worth—you belong to Jesus.

Yet many of God’s children don’t see their true value, and in turn, allow others to hurt or mistreat them. Unhealthy boundaries lead to unhealthy relationships, and broken boundaries lead to broken hearts.

But here’s the good news: when we allow the Lord to heal our hurts, He opens our eyes to see our worth in Him. We no longer feel the need to give in to negative patterns that rob us of peace. Instead, He teaches us how to set healthy, God-honoring boundaries that guard our hearts, protect our relationships, and keep bitterness and resentment from taking root.

You are valuable. You are chosen. You are loved. And with Him, you can walk in freedom and establish boundaries that reflect His heart for you. ❤️

Forgive Then Even When They’re Not Sorry

You’re not weak for choosing to move on. You’re not weak for choosing to let this be something you no longer dwell on. And just like Jesus died on the cross to forgive us of all we have done and will ever do, before WE were ever sorry, He is asking us to do the same. Even if they are not sorry.

It’s not easy to let things go. It takes strength in Jesus to move on. It takes wanting God’s ways over our own. And most often times it takes asking God for the all help you need to do it, and asking Him to make His powerful presence known. But the more you release and forgive what others do to you, regardless if they deserve it or not, the more you can trust Jesus is working powerfully IN you, regardless if you can feel Him or not. And much sooner than later, you’ll be able to love more, forgive more, and help others more, regardless if they ever asked for it or not.
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I talk about it a lot because forgiveness is so so powerful, friends. It changes us, and is a constant reminder of what Jesus did FOR us on the cross. When you need help forgiving, look at Jesus. Look at what HE did for US. Look up, and look at the cross.❤️

@sarah.jean.armstrong

Stop Expecting People to be Like You

Stop expecting people to respond like you, behave like you, or do things like you. When you stop expecting these things from people, you’ll stop being disappointed with people and be free to love them where they’re at, for who they are, and who God created them to be. And it’s FREEING. You don’t hang on their words or responses. You aren’t waiting for the response that you think any “normal” person would give. You get to just, expect nothing. Need nothing in return. And love people.

We are all different, we all handle things different, we are all wired different, we have all lived through things that make us see things differently. Yeah, some people are more dysfunctional, yes, some people are odd, and some more…difficult, but always looking for people to respond a certain way or see things the way you see it is only setting you up to be constantly disappointed with them, life, God, and whatever else comes your way that you just don’t agree with. It’s really hard to live with or around someone who expects you to be someone you’re not. It’s really nice to be around someone who accepts you for all you are, and roots for you as you work to grow and change. It’s exhausting to be around someone where you feel like the way you respond is always just, wrong. It’s really incredible to be around someone who is full of acceptance, life, and makes it easy to be yourself. We have to remember, great expectations lead to great disappointments. Every time.

Make it your goal to just, love people, and accept them and who they are. People’s responses to things tells a story. It’s a piece of who they are. We will get so blessed by people when all expectations are taken off them. You might not always like what people have to say, but sometimes, you will be blown away by what they say. And God will use it so powerfully in your life. But it only happens when you stop expecting so much, and start accepting more. And choose to stop pushing people out the door who don’t think or act like you.

Let’s stop expecting people to be like us. God created us 100% uniquely for a reason. And I think that is pretty darn special and awesome.

Sarah Jean Armstrong

The Love of Jesus Heals & Transforms

We can take all the baths, go on all the vacations, and read all the books we want, but the pain, hurt, and trauma that has been pushed down and stored deep down in our hearts won’t ever go away until we finally deal with them. They will only get buried deeper and deeper, until it eventually, it becomes too much, and they start seeping out in our lives, and something in us, breaks. Until we finally cannot hold in or hide the pain anymore.

Jesus is the ONLY one who knows what we have been through. Every single thing. He is the only one who can go back with us, to each situation, and TAKE that pain FROM us. But, we have to go back. We HAVE to deal with each one. We have to acknowledge what has been done. We have to allow ourselves to FEEL the pain, and process it, to let it go and finally be free from it. 

When I went to a Christian counselor (which I highly recommend) for the first time, I didn’t think that the issues I was having had ANYTHING to do with some of the things I had been through. Like, NO clue.  But friends, all of those things WERE the reasons I was having issues!

As we go through life, starting as precious children, we get hurt, and we will do whatever we need to do to survive the pain if we aren’t taught how to deal with it in a healthy way. Some of us harden to get through. Some of us, stuff and pretend these things never happened. Some of us turn to substances and would rather live in a state of numbing than feeling.

We were never meant to live in a state of survival. We were never meant to carry the weight of what’s been done to us. That is why Jesus came. To take ALL of the sin of this world, that others have done to us, and, what WE have done to ourselves and to others. And to heal of us it. To rid us of it, and remove the imprint left on us, from it.

We don’t need any more self love or self help books. We need the love of Jesus, to go in every crevice of our heart, and heal us, from the inside out. THAT love, changes things. THAT love, heals. And THAT love, has all the power in the world, to free you all the issues you want to change. Spend your time seeking THAT love, and EVERYTHING in you, and your life, will start to change.

What Are Boundaries Exactly?

 

In the world around us, physical boundaries are easy to see….. lines, fences, signs, hedges…..these are all physical boundaries. They give the same message….THIS IS WHERE MY PROPERTY BEGINS. As the owner of the property, I am legally responsible for what happens on my property line. Non-owners are not responsible. Boundaries are just as real in the spiritual realm, only harder to see. Yet they serve the same purpose. They protect ownership.

The word of God says that our bodies are the temple of the living God, and His Spirit lives in us. (1 Corinthians 3:16-17)  We have been bought at a price…by the precious blood of Jesus. (1 Corinthians 6:20) Therefore, we belong to Jesus first and foremost, and our identity is in Him and Him alone. Boundaries merely help guard and protect that relationship and our relationship with self and others.

Boundaries also defend us physically, emotionally, and spiritually from intrusive or unwanted dangers. They also make it possible to engage and enjoy mutually healthy relationships because they protect those relationships by setting the course for mutual respect, consideration, and safety.

Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins….leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. If I know where my yard begins and ends, I am free to take responsibility for my life, and it opens us options to pursue the person that God created me to be. It also gives me the freedom to allow you to be who God created you to be and take responsibility for your own life. This takes the burden off both you and me.

When you have healthy boundaries, you guard yourself from giving more than you should and protect you from others taking more than they should.

Boundaries help bring order to your personal world and the world around you and guard against enmeshment and codependency, where you are controlled by others and stripped of your identity in Christ, causing great conflict in all areas of your life.

God’s Word tells us to……” Above all else guard your heart for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23)

How about you? Do you have healthy boundaries? If not, ask the Lord to show you how to put boundaries in place that will guard your heart and help you engage in mutually healthy relationships that are blessed by God.