Kim’s Testimony

No Longer A Victim

Some who have been victimized by a painful past feel fearful, lost, disconnected, broken, without hope, and need comforting.

There are many self-help groups in modern day society offering support for victims. While helpful they often throw a “victim” label on the wounded, and it becomes their identity. Some even take on a victim mentality always positioning themselves as the victim whether real or imagined.

We did not have a choice in becoming a victim but we have a choice in staying one. The bible says “we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” (Romans 8:37)

No matter what has happened God can heal, restore and set us free from the painful effects of the past. You can rise above having a victim mentality and become a conqueror in Christ. We are not without hope.

A Time To Heal

A time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up; A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance.

Children who suffer abuse or trauma whether physical or emotional will often suppress their emotions in order to survive. However, the pain, sorrow, anger, and despair are still there and manifest in different ways in adulthood – either through negative behaviors or seemingly good behaviors. Both mask the reality of the painful wounds they carry inside.

Some who shut down their emotions often can’t feel at all even pleasant things such as joy, tenderness, mercy and even love. Sometimes we make vows never to be hurt again putting walls around our hearts.

There may have been a season for self-protection but now is the season for healing your heart. Give yourself permission to feel. It’s time to let go of the hurts of the past. Run to Jesus – The Balm of Gilead who heals the wounds of God’s children. He is waiting with arms wide open to mend your heart and wipe your tears. Do you want to be made well?

The Roots of Rejection

Nothing wounds a heart like rejection. The dictionary defines rejection as “an act of throwing away or discarding someone or something,” implying a lack of value in the person or thing being discarded Nothing wounds a heart more because it strikes at the core of our worth, value, and identity.

Since every human being has three fundamental needs – to be loved, valued and accepted, rejection can result in wounding in the heart so painful that people cannot deal with it. So they suppress it in their mind, stuff the pain away inside, pretend it’s not there and live in denial of their hurts, but later it surfaces in various negative behaviors causing deeper pain, problems, and conflict much like a layering effect.

Rejection can be rooted in our family of origin, peers, those in authority (teachers, pastors, etc.), resulting from verbal abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, troubles in the home, adoption, divorce, abandonment, infidelity, and peer rejection.

Sadly rejection can breed more rejection if the roots are not dealt with. People with rejection issues often feel victimized and place themselves in situations where they are always the victim, whether real or imagined and it sets a pattern that becomes a way of life, Others turn to exhausting ways to feel accepted – people pleasing, perfectionism, workaholic, etc. Others refuse to deal with it all together and check out through, drugs, alcohol, anger, immorality, and other negative behaviors. Unless the root is dealt with, the truth is accepted and replaced –the by-product or rejection will always be rejection.

Despite the rejection of the past, our God can heal you. He can walk into the darkness of the pain and shed His marvelous light on the path of your healing journey. The one who created you and numbers the hairs on your head will never reject you. He wants to heal those painful roots of rejection so that you can live in His acceptance.

“I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do: I will not forsake them. “

(Isaiah 42:16)

Are You Self Protecting?

A deep wound, a broken heart, disappointments, bitterness, and unforgiveness, can cause the heart to become hardened with time. It causes us to put up walls. Our defenses go up. We self-protect, and we don’t let anyone in including God. And we are unable to trust.

Self-protection leaves us running on reserve and is the cause of intimacy issues and conflict in relationships. It seems that it’s easier to be hard than soft and vulnerable because we don’t want to get hurt. But you were not created to live that way.

God made you to be tender and responsive especially to His touch. If you have developed a pattern of self-protection, there are reasons why. Get to the root.

Let God tear the wall of separation and self-protection down from around your heart. We cannot truly live free unless we allow Jesus to be our Rock and our defense. Are you ready?

But the Lord is my defense, and my God is the rock of my refuge.

Psalm 94:22

Do You Want To Be Made Well?

Jesus asked one question to the lame man at the pool of Bethesda in John 5:6 “Do you want to be made well?” This is the pivotal question for every person seeking healing for emotional wounds. The simple truth is that not everyone wants to be made well. They may start off eager with the best intentions, feeling that they cannot go on another day, but at the end of the day, do not want to be made well, and those who do not want to get well are not going to get well.

Why would I not want to walk in the freedom from the bondage that Christ set me free from? F-E-A-R! Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of what may be uprooted and exposed, fear of pain, fear that we may have to give up (someone or something); Or we may not be desperate enough yet.

Perhaps we have grown comfortable in our dysfunction and are comfortable in a victim role. We may not have reached a breaking point yet where we face losing someone we love, such as a spouse, or a relationship, maybe even a job, our freedom, and in our minds – we tell ourselves as bad as our current situation is – “it’s not as bad as so and so’s”, or at least we know how to respond, or how to continue to do life and even serve in ministry. However, we are putting on the painted smile while living in a prison of emotional pain. But make no mistake -It is never God’s fault. If we do not want to embark on the journey and “be made well” – we won’t get well. Healing is a choice.

If you are in a place where you are desperate enough to get help and want to be made well, then I pray that nothing will hinder you from getting the healing that you need and will encounter the Healer in a deep and intimate way.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

Every human being yearns to be loved. It’s a legitimate need placed in us by our creator. If our need for love is not met as children, we will go through life with an empty void in our hearts looking for love in all the wrong places taking our empty love cups to people, places and things desperate to have our cups filled.

We can also try to fill our cups through approval, achievements, affirmation, control, money, success, appearance or immediate gratification. Unfortunately, none of these things will satisfy the ravenous craving in our hearts for love because only God’s love satisfies. His love is unfailing, unwavering, unconditional and never ending. His love is enough. Any other kind of love will leave us wanting, even suffocated, drained, yearning for peace and contentment. Because it’s not the real deal. It’s a counterfeit. It leads to captivity – bound to someone or something. Authentic love leads to freedom.

God’s word says ” That you being rooted and grounded in love will be able to comprehend with all the saints how wide and long and high and deep the love of Christ is, and to know this love which passes knowledge; that you may filled with all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:17-19

We will never be able to experience the depth of God’s love unless we have a healthy love foundation. Have you experienced the fullness of God’s love? If not, there may be something you were rooted in preventing God’s love from taking root in the soil of your heart that may be causing you try to get your love cup filled in all the wrong places.

Take your empty cup to Jesus and ask Him to fill it and remove any barriers and false beliefs preventing you from receiving His deep, satisfying love. He is faithful to meet us at our point of need. His love never fails.

The Balm That Heals

Gilead was a region in Biblical times known for its healing balms. People would travel miles for the soothing ointment found there offering relief for their suffering caused by various pains and wounds. During this time, God’s people were in a backslidden state chasing after other Gods and idols.

The Prophet Jeremiah was grieved to the core of the condition of God’s people facing destruction and judgment because they refused to turn away from empty things that made them soul and spiritually sick instead of turning to the Living God. In anguish, he cried out…

“Is there no Balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then is there no healing for the wound of my people?” (Jeremiah 8:22)

Are you sick? Are you hurting today? The Balm of Gilead is an illustration of the healing that is available through Jesus Christ. He is the Great Physician, the all-sufficient one who is able to heal and set free. Jesus wants to heal the wounds of your heart. Do you want to be made well? He is the ointment that can heal God’s children.

Compulsive Behaviors

Compulsive behaviors such as gambling, hoarding, pornography, shopping, overeating, the internet and social media obsession are emerging as behavioral addictions — people can depend on them as severely as alcohol or drugs. Some activities are so normal that it’s hard to believe people can become addicted to them.

Yet, the cycle of addiction can still take over, making everyday life a constant struggle that can lead to the same destructive behavioral patterns that wreak havoc on lives, families’ and relationships. Whatever the coping mechanism, it’s the byproduct of deeper seeded issues requiring attention, self-evaluation, and healing. There is some void or need being met through the compulsive behavior outside God’s design rooted in the flesh apart from the Spirit.

Whether substance or behavioral, addictions can appear to be bad, meaning they are not socially acceptable and can be very harmful – like immorality, gambling, excessive spending, compulsive eating; Or they can look very good and are socially acceptable but may be just as harmful- like perfectionism, work holism, caregiving, serving in ministry out of the wrong heart, staying busy, overly giving, etc. When people give and serve out of the wrong motive, they can overextend themselves and wear themselves out becoming bitter angry and resentful at those they serve and those in leadership.

On either side of the coin – the addiction or compulsive behavior comes down to this – I have to have this! I have to do this! There is an obsession – a compulsion at a root level that fills a need and their identity is very much on what they do. It is the most important thing in their lives. It defines them and rules them. It is bondage. But God can break the chains of bondage and heal all.

“He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set at liberty those who are oppressed.”
(Luke 4:18)

Christ Centered Counseling

There are a plethora of self-help books available offering various theories and approaches to dealing with the rooted issues of negative emotions and behaviors. Modern day psychology is valuable in understanding the soul (mind, emotions, and will). This is the area that gets sick. The rooted systems in our life can make our souls extremely sick. A psychology approach can diagnose the problem and offer solution. However, since the solution offered is rooted in humanism and, therefore, manmade, there is no true long term healing that can occur. At best it can help change behavior, and give you tools for self-discipline, or positive thinking. That is not freedom.

There is no lasting victory because it does not deal with sin. It does not allow for the blood of Christ to cleanse us and change us. It merely puts a band-aid over symptoms. It may address anxiety, depression, outward manifestations and symptoms of deeper issues – but often the first solution offered is medication and never gets to the root. So people are not getting the true healing they are seeking.

As Christians, we know that only God has the power to heal us from the inside out and set us free. That is true victory. He doesn’t just change behaviors; He transforms, renews, restores, redeems and breaks the chains of bondage. Psalm 147:3 says “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Isaiah also tells us that God is the “Wonderful Counselor.” John 14:6 says “the Holy Spirit is the Counselor.” Therefore, true freedom is found only by applying biblical truths to the wounds of our heart. Jesus is the balm of Gilead. He is the ointment that heals the wounds of God’s hurting children.