Category: unhealthy relationships

Conflict In Relationships?

There is a direct correlation between relationship conflict and negative emotions. We were designed for love and intimacy. Sadly, many of us were not given healthy forms of love. So we enter relationships with baggage full of skewed love systems and unmet needs expecting the other person to meet our emotional needs. However, since unhealthy people tend to attract unhealthy individuals into their lives who enter the relationship with their own emotional baggage – unmet needs and skewed forms of love expecting us to love them as they think they should be loved – it’s a great recipe for emotional pain and conflict. People enter relationships with all kinds of learned negative patterns of behavior to deal with relationship conflict.


The truth is we will never be able to enjoy healthy mutually satisfying relationships until we deal with the issues of our own heart. When we can identify the cause of our emotional pain, we can then process the effects they have on our life, and we can stop blaming others, take ownership of our negative feelings and behaviors and stop allowing others to control our emotions.

People are not responsible for the way they make us feel. Understanding and accepting this enables us to let others off the hook and give them permission to take ownership of their feelings and stop blaming us for how they feel. Jesus heals and restores one heart at a time.

Forgiveness Is The Key

God cares about our relationships and wants us to be right with one another. Too often close relationships are torn apart due to hurts, misunderstandings, offenses, pride, unresolved issues, and emotions can run deep, cut at the heart filling us with bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness.

And usually, it’s the relationships we treasure the most that breakdown and cause the deepest pain. Rather than confront the issues, it may seem easier to avoid, blame others and feel justified holding on to our hurts and anger.

Yet God calls us higher. His word says that as much as depends on us to live at peace with all people (Romans 12:18). We need to forgive those who have wounded us and ask for forgiveness when we have wounded others. We will never be free unless we learn how to forgive and release our offenders at the foot of the cross.

We need only take ownership of our wrong doings and leave the rest at God’s feet endeavoring always to extend grace and leave the door open for reconciliation whenever possible.

Are you struggling with forgiveness? Sometimes all it takes is to go to Jesus with a sincere heart and ask Him to give you a willingness to forgive, make amends and pursue peace. There is nothing that He can’t do with a willing and surrendered heart.

Releasing You

Nothing is more grieving than loving someone bent on destruction.  Feeling powerless can drive us to insane levels of trying to save our loved ones from the consequences of their poor choices by fixing, managing, and trying to change and control their lives. Often we don’t even realize that we may be hindering the work of the Holy Spirit that convicts, leads them to a place of brokenness, surrender, and repentance.

Our greatness act of love must be to pray, let go and surrender them to God.  When we get out of the way, our loved ones stop looking to us to be their savior and turn to their true Savior Jesus Christ who has the power to heal, restore, redeem and set free.

Whether it’s a spouse, child, sibling or a friend, we must release them to the care of God, yet it’s difficult to do because many of us have a misconception about what it means to let go and release.  The following poem was written by June Hunt. It’s a beautiful picture of releasing.

Releasing You:

Releasing you is not to stop loving you but loving you enough to stop leaning on you.

Releasing is not to stop caring for you but to care enough to stop controlling you.

Releasing is not to turn away from you, but it is to turn to Christ trusting His will over you.

Releasing is not to harm you but realizing my help has been harmful to you.

Releasing is not to refuse you but to refuse to keep reality from you.

Releasing is not to prove my power over you, but it is to admit that I am powerless to change you.

Releasing is not to stop believing in you, but it is to believe the Lord alone will build character in you.

Releasing is not to condemn the past but to cherish the present and commit our future to the Lord.

-June Hunt

To let go means to get out of the way, release our loved ones at the foot of the cross and offer them up to the care of God.